Arbid Thoughts...

MLFDWGC Part 3:The Beards

2010-07-02T01:17:00.006+05:30

The clock read quarter past six. Work had been crazy the previous week and I was feeling so down that I found myself sitting in a Subway sandwich shop ready to order their nasty five-dollar-footlong, Italian B.M.T no less. We all stoop really low at some point. Just as I take the first bite, I get a text from a close CIA friend, almost as though the culinary gods sent it personally, reminding me about a $500-a-ticket culinary event that any gastonomically inclined gentile would kill to attend. I definitely couldn't afford it and it was too late to buy tickets anyway. At this point, I thought to myself, I would have to crash the party to get in. No harm trying.

I had 15 minutes to get there. Within the first five minutes, I ran back home and changed into a suit; if this were a movie, I probably would've looked like Clark Kent switching into Superman, except I didn't have a red cape, neither did I wear my underwear on the outside. Come to think of it, I can't fly either or do I have X-ray vision, though that would be nice. I jumped into a cab and made it just in time. Thankfully, I had a friend on the inside who came out to get me with an entry badge he borrowed from someone on the inside. You would think there'd be better checking measures at a $500 gala event. He led me through a series of doors and hallways into the main auditorium just as the emcee introduced himself. It was none other than Alton Brown and I was at the James Beard Awards!

Among the many perks that come with living in New York City are the many events and shows which one can attend that cover practically every realm of man's activity. Art Gallery openings, food shows, science festivals, air races, award ceremonies, group meetings, grunge parties, festivals, you name it. But the James Beard Awards Ceremony is the pinnacle for someone in the industry, the Oscars of the culinary world. And I was right there in the middle of it all.

The ceremony honoring the finest in the restaurant industry lasted about three hours and had everyone from Thomas Keller to Kevin Zraly give away the awards. Quite inspiring, to say the least. We were then escorted to the main hallway for food and drink. There were over two dozen stalls set up by noted chefs from all over the country serving up their favorite grub. Jonathan Benno was there promoting his upcoming restaurant at the Lincoln Center. As was Jen from Eric Ripert's 10 Arts in Philadelphia. Navigating my way through the crowd, I couldn't help but bump into some great chefs and strike up conversations. Jose Andres wouldn't stop talking about Spain and even offered a job at any of his restaurants. Rick Bayless and I spoke of a common friend I currently work with. Sean Brock of the McCrady's fame who'd won a Beard earlier that night was my friend's former boss. He was drunk and couldn't stop smiling from the joy of having won something so prestigious. In between trying to get another round of Champagne and looking for Alton Brown, I stumbled upon a man in a suit that vaguely resembled the joker outfit in Batman. Jacques Pepin! I giggled like a little school girl. Okay, enough name dropping. All in all, it was one fabulous evening. I wouldn't trade the experience for anything!

MLFDWGC Part 2: Doughnut Crazy

2010-06-13T02:12:00.003+05:30

The last time I had a great doughnut was a long time ago - 4 years, 9 months, and 23 days to be precise. I was vacationing in Goa, India's hippie capital and home to some of the most beautiful beaches on the planet. A reliable source pointed me in the direction of a German bakery called Infantaria speaking volumes about its pastries and desserts. I wasn't much of a pastry guy, and still am not, but there's something about the power of suggestion that you can't ignore. So I had to go there. And there it was, lying behind a glass counter, coddled among dozens of other delectables. It was round, jelly-filled, and dusted with tiny crystals of sugar. It didn't particularly stand out; in fact, it was probably the least decorated which is why I was drawn immediately.

I took one bite and I got that feeling you get when you reach or achieve the pinnacle of something. I think they call it ecstasy without the capital 'E'. The crunch of the sugar, the chewy softness of the dough, and the succulence of the jelly, all in one unctuous bite. I usually take pictures of memorable meals but I didn't this time because I knew I could never forget.

Ever since then, I have had constant cravings for something at least remotely as good. And it has taken me to many faraway places but in vain. I conveniently place doughnuts in that category of foods that are simple to make but extremely hard to perfect (for the sake of argument, perfection in my world can be achieved, as difficult as it may be). And the Infantarian doughnut was a hard act to follow.

If there was one place that I felt I could find one that was almost as good, it was New York City. I tried the fried rings of dough at several different venues but none matched up. Most were either dense or mealy, usually too sweet for the palate, and stale almost every time. I thought the one they serve at Bouchon Bakery on the weekends would be a close contender but it just didn’t make the cut. A little deeper searching on the internet led me to Doughnut Plant on the Lower East Side.

I ventured out on a hot sultry summer day in June hoping this would be it. And it was. I had finally found a doughnut that was comparable to what I had nearly five years before. I tried every different kind they had- Chocolate glazed, Coconut cream, Crème Brulee – and man was it good. They were chewy but not tough, sweet but flavorful, most importantly, they were freshly made. My doughnut cravings were finally appeased.

My Last Few Days in the World's Greatest City Part 1

2010-06-01T02:59:00.010+05:30

It would be almost three years of having lived in America when I leave this July. Yes, I'm leaving. For good, I hope. I'm going back to what I've always called home - India. It's not that I don't like it here. In fact, I've grown awfully fond of living in New York City these past several months. I actually feel like a New Yorker. But even after three years, I still feel like an alien in a foriegn land, which I very much am. The fear of never feeling at home here grips my throat. That and feeling distanced from my real home (I've visited India only twice in the last 3 years!), the people I've grown up with and am close to, the culture I cherish every day, and the food- oh, the food!

Don't get me wrong. The past three years have been incredible. The things I have seen and experienced, the people I have come to know, the lessons I have learnt - I would do it all again if I had to. I'm quite proud of everything I have accomplished here, and this country will always be a part of my being.

In these last few weeks, I've come to realize what I'm leaving behind, the things I've taken for granted that aren't going to be at my disposal anymore. The vast multi-culturalness that is New York City; Winter and Spring and Summer and Fall; the plethora of ingredients from all around the world be it produce, protein or dairy; wines and beers for every mood and taste; restaurants, bars, clubs, cafes, dives, and speakeasies that I thought only existed in my imagination; concerts, art battles, Broadway shows, Shakespeare in the Park; the finest kitchens in the world with cooks that are as passionate about the craft as I am; and of course, being able to pick my own dream and chase it.

The next few posts are going to be documentations of my last experiences in NYC while attempting to do some of these things just one more time, whether it be waiting in line overnight to make it to a free Shakespeare in the Park Production, or eating fresh strawberries from the farmer's market, or dining at the infamous Per Se.

10 Things You Definitely Did Not Know About Me

2009-08-31T04:22:00.007+05:30

The coffee I drink every morning is called 'Monsoon Malabar'. It is sourced from my home state of Kerala about 8000 miles away from where I currently live.

I spray cologne before going to bed just because I like smelling good.

I buy a bottle of coke before heading into a movie theater. I can never justify paying $5 for soda. I do however buy the $6 popcorn.

It has taken 12 alarms to wake me up every morning ever since my mom stopped giving me wake up calls.

I've never asked a girl on a date.

I hide $20 bills in different places in my wallet just in case I run out of money.

My wardrobe has hardly changed in over 4 years.

At one point in my life, I was so delusional that I thought I was god.

I am yet to meet someone who's read less books than I have. I will however write my own book some day.

Yet Another Blog?

2009-08-24T06:15:00.003+05:30

Here's the link to my latest blog, Memoirs of a Cook.

http://memoirsofacook.blogspot.com/

The Passing of a Cherished Friend

2009-03-23T01:58:00.000+05:30

As I sit in my room distanced from my hometown half way across the world by over 8000 miles, I feel eternally helpless. One of Cochin’s best caterers and the pioneer of stand-alone restaurants in the city is no more. But this man was more than just all that. He was warm, ever-jovial, kind-hearted and above all, a beloved friend.
This man has influenced me in a plethora of ways. He trusted in me at the risk of his own business, and let me experiment and stray away from the norms of running an event, let alone a food festival. He gave me a chance to express myself in my own style, no questions asked. He treated me like a dear friend, and shared with me his many experiences. We shared a common love for good food and a passion to feed. I clearly remember the several conversations about food and culture and politics and the hospitality industry that we’ve shared over delicious lattés at his cute landmark of a café. He was a sincere man – honest to himself. He’s had many hardships both in his personal life and his career, but he stuck through it all, brave and perseverant. He set a quiet example during his time on earth that life may take several unexpected twists and turns which we have little or no control over, but it doesn’t decide for you how to live – you do. In the midst of all that was going on around him, he lived his to the fullest.
As many do every day, I cannot help but wonder why this gem of a man was chosen amongst us. It’s one of those times when you think – and surprise yourself at your own absurd intellect – why the nicer amongst us have to leave first. Why is it that those who’ve done so much for others and been a constant source of support for everyone around are called to the supper before the rest of us? Is karma after all a big hoax?
I have never before had to face up to the death of someone I even vaguely know, and I knew it would be hard when it finally happened. And it truly is. But this I’m grateful for this; I’m grateful that he has left us all with memories of his kindness and generosity – something that is more eternal than life itself. I last saw him towards the end of December 2008 when I had gone over to say goodbye before I left for the US again. Our meeting was brief that time but he wished me the best of luck and hugged me goodbye. May this great soul rest in peace.

I Had Fun at the Cafe Wha?

2008-10-15T13:15:00.007+05:30

Finding the right bar or club to go and have a great time is seemingly difficult, even in New York City. For example, there's the typical college student's bar filled with people constantly falling and spilling drinks all night and loud mundane music playing in the foreground. There's also the classy expensive bar where one is expected to maintain an illogical level of decorum within the constraints specified. Not to forget the gentleman's bar which might sound appealing to “gentlemen” but is definitely not for an Indian born-and-raised with a shallow wallet to spare. Then there's the occasional miracle pub you come across. A place with some sort of a character; one where people actually seem to be having a great time. I decided that I had to find myself one such place built around and for the appreciation of good music.

To those of you who know the history behind Cafe Wha?, the place is more than just a great party spot; it is a legendary iconic establishment. Most 60s rock music aficionados all over the world know the real relevance of this New York City club. Being a hardcore classic rock fan myself and a temporary resident of Manhattan, I made my way there to experience it first hand.

Located in the heart of Greenwich Village in Manhattan just a couple of blocks away from Washington Square Park, Cafe Wha? at first glance seems not too different from other clubs in its NYU neighborhood. Music enthusiasts however have been frequenting this institution of sorts ever since the 1950s when it started out as a venue for live bands to perform. Today, this cult of a club has three different acts performing during the course of the week with occasional comedians entertaining the early birds.

Perhaps the most notable claim to fame for Cafe Wha? is that it was the original stomping ground for several very famous musicians and comedians especially during the revolutionary Beatnik era of the 1960s. Legendary performers like Bob Dylan, Jimi Hendrix, Kool and the Gang and Bruce Springsteen all began their careers here. So did outstanding comedians including Woody Allen, Joan Rivers, Bill Cosby and Richard Pryor. Cafe Wha? was also frequented by Allen Ginsberg, the famous American poet and activist who fought for gay rights and legalization of marijuana.

Having grown up with an addiction to great music, I had always wondered whether such a place really existed. I eventually made my way to Cafe Wha? one Friday night with tremendous zeal and enthusiasm over the little I'd researched and read about it. A flight of stairs down led me to the arena where history was written and continues to be. Weekend nights usually have The Cafe Wha? Band performing and it got pretty crowded by the time the band started playing. I was crammed into my table with five strangers (who I eventually became buddies with) and the rest, as they say, is history.

The band played a mixture of classic rock, R&B, Reggae and Funk made possible through the diversity in talent of its nine members. The sheer energy that the band vibrates through its music resonates through every individual in the crowd. Whether it was a song by The Beatles, Prince, Jimi Hendrix, The Who, Led Zeppelin or even the club's theme song, “I had fun at the Cafe Wha?”, everyone found themselves either singing along or dancing ecstatically and more than often doing both.

I knew every song the band played and was not bothered for even a second that I had come alone. In those few hours of sheer exhilaration, I felt transported back into time to the days when rock music had a bigger and more genuine following. It seemed to me at that instant that the rest of the crowd shared a similar perception.

Cafe Wha? may still have some kind of a reminiscence effect from its historic performances and guest appearances in the past. But what made my night at Cafe Wha? memorable was because it let me as a rock music lover spend an unpretentious evening singing and dancing without a care in the world. It was raining heavily that night and I walked back home at about 2 am slowly taking it all in and completely oblivious to how drenched I really was. After a fun night of drinking plenty with strangers and dancing away to my favorite tunes, I woke up the next morning asking myself, “Who? When? Where? Cafe Wha?!”

The Extern's life in NYC

2008-08-27T04:46:00.001+05:30

I now live in New York, a city many claim to be the centre of the world. I do not completely disagree. The lights are as bright as they say they are and it does have it's charm. The restaurant count runs well about 25,000 and I find myself interning in one of the better upscale ones.

Restaurant Cru and Shea Gallante are held in high regard among fellow CIA comrades and rightfully so. The style of cuisine at Cru is Modern European. The food is rooted in classic French and Italian culinary techniques, incorporates a few Asian ingredients and uses modern concepts to give it its avante garde character. I should also mention it has a 4300 strong wine list unmatched by any restaurant in the city which obviously lends itself to attention from oenophiles from all over.

Over the past several months, I've been toiling away behind the doors of this Michelin star. Of course, Bruno gave 'us' 3 stars as well; the 'experimental' desserts accounted for the loss of a star which subsequently led to Shea firing the then pastry chef Will Goldfarb (who went on to open the famous Room4Dessert which closed down as well). The kitchen at Cru is not unlike most top notch kitchens in the city, using the best produce, finest in equipment and employing some very talented cooks. The hours aren't any better either. I work from 11 to 11 five to six days a week and get paid half the minimum wage - brutally tiring yet truly inspiring at the same time.

It isn't the first time I've lived the life of an extern. When you're at the bottom rung in a kitchen, you're basically everyone's bitch - needlessly facing the brunt of everybody's stress. One could easily break in such a situation lest he holds strong and stands the beating. I pulled through, now aware that I can take it.

Meat, meat and more meat

2008-05-12T08:00:00.000+05:30

Meat and Seafood Identification and Fabrication is not particularly the ideal kitchen class to start with in any culinary school, let alone the CIA. Considering that most of the students starting school have hardly any experience working in a kitchen, does it make sense to put tenderloin P.S.M.Os and racks of veal for them to break down before teaching them adequate knife skills first? We were all nevertheless very excited, for this really marked the beginning of our culinary education here.

It was mid-November and the fall weather was perfect. I witnessed the Hudson valley change colors from green to yellow, sunset orange, and eventually a very rustic red. Walking across campus to the meat kitchen at 1:30 in the afternoon was a treat in itself. It was 'Day One' (of many to come) and we all anxiously waited outside the "Meat Room" for the AM class to get done and leave.

All classes at the CIA are duplicated into AM and PM, and depending on whether you're a morning person or not, you find yourself either waking up and rushing droopily into class at 7 am to cook lunch for the school or striding in at a more comfortable 2 pm to cook a very early dinner. Of course, while the early birds are done with classes at 1 and have the rest of the day to while away, PMers like myself cook away till 9 at night. Both have their cons but let this be said - I loved not having to wake up that early every day.

Compressing a plethora of meats, its cuts and fabrication techniques into seven days would seem unfathomable to anyone who knows what it entails. But somehow at the CIA, they still do it. Every day found us breaking down primals of Bovine, Ovine, Porcine carcasses into portion cuts and learning about quality criteria and culinary applications, not to forget random assignments on famous steakhouses, angus beef, exotic ducks and pork farms and some hands-on sausage making fun. Who better to train us than a second generation butcher who’d been toying with meat for over 30 years.

Chef Thomas Schneller is a tall lanky forty-something year second generation butcher with a mustache and glasses which makes him remind you a lot of Ned Flanders of the Simpsons fame. What’s strange is that he talks and acts like him too. The man has been butchering meat for over three decades now and isn’t even close to being sick of it yet. His passion for protein is still very much alive and somewhat contagious. The man would go through loins and ribs like he was carving blocks of butter. Though seven days was nearly not enough time for us to get to that level, we all came out this class a lot more comfortable at handling meat and being able to distinguish a great cut from a poorly fabricated one.

Sadly, the last I heard, he was transferred to the fish kitchen to teach the Seafood class. I cannot imagine how painful that must be for him; maybe I can.

What's eating America: 'Organic' Today

2008-01-05T06:52:00.000+05:30

Let’s face it. Organic is now becoming what was hoped it would be an alternative to. The very contradictory term, “industrial organic” - an outcome of large corporate conventional farms trying to grab their slice of the organic pie - is fast replacing its more genuine precursor. We evidently have a serious problem at hand – a dilution and possibly complete erosion of what organic really stands for. Should we continue to fight for this seemingly lost cause or has enough damage been done already?

When you think “organic”, like almost every other American consumer, you picture a small local family farm with happy cows grazing on ever-green pastures, chicken running about pecking at worms in the soil and pesticide-free vegetables of different kinds interspaced beautifully across the landscape. Open your eyes and embrace today’s ‘industrial organic’ farm. Acre after acre of the same crop (most likely corn, lettuce or broccoli) sucks all life out of the very soil it thrives on. Cattle have ‘access’ to the outdoors but are still fed on ‘organic feedlots’ instead of the much preferred pastures they’re actually meant to graze. And worst of all, this same ‘organic food’ consumes as much petroleum as its conventional counterpart does to eventually reach the supermarket – a reality which could more adversely affect global warming than your body.

Understand that in the mid 1900s when the ‘organic movement’ came about and long before the United States Department of Agriculture (USDA) got involved in the organic scenario, the term meant that the food not only be free from synthetics and genetic engineering but also promoted sustainability (capable of maintaining productivity and usefulness to society indefinitely) in the long term. Having acquired renewed focus from a 1962 book (Rachel Carson’s Silent Spring) documenting the negative implications of chemical use in agriculture, ‘organic’ began to grow rapidly due to expanding consumer opposition to chemical pesticides coupled with a desire for food that was produced without harming the environment. By 1990, an estimated sales of more than a billion pushed the Congress into passing the Organic Foods Production Act of 1990 (OFPA). This Act established the framework to create the National Organic Program (NOP) which implemented a stringent NOP certification for organic labeling in October, 2002. According to this USDA certification:

“Organic food is [that which is] produced by farmers who emphasize the use of renewable resources and the conservation of soil and water to enhance environmental quality for future generations. Organic meat, poultry, eggs, and dairy products come from animals that are given no antibiotics or growth hormones. Organic food is produced without using most conventional pesticides; fertilizers made with synthetic ingredients or sewage sludge; bioengineering; or ionizing radiation.”

But how can promoting large corporate organic growers whose produce travels thousands of miles to reach the supermarket instead of the small local farms who probably cannot even afford organic certification, be considered as emphasizing the use of renewable resources? How can growing hundreds of acres of the same crop on the same piece of land clearly ignoring the implications of not carrying out crop rotation be regarded as enhancing the environmental quality for future generations? Why even have a requirement for cattle to have ‘access to pasture’ and poultry ‘access to the outdoors’ when these loosely defined terms fall at the exploitation of these corporate organic growers?

Now don’t get me wrong. USDA certified organic food is still considered better both for our health as well as for the environment. By eliminating the massive quantities of toxic pesticides and synthetic fertilizers (figures placed in millions of tons) used in conventional farming, organic methods help protect the health of our air, water and soil. The exclusion of synthetic pesticides in produce and growth hormones in livestock also reduces risks of cancer, birth defects and damage to the nervous and reproductive systems in humans.

There are however other relevant issues at hand here. Firstly, the USDA "organic" label only addresses the production-side of farming (i.e., the use of fertilizers, pesticides and Genetically Modified Organisms). It does not check the long-term effect of these farms on the environment and water systems. For example, farms can grow the same crop on the same plot of land over and over again without crop rotation which is essential to maintain the soil’s fertility.

Another issue of significance is that of exports. As sales of organic food products continue to grow by nearly $2 billion each year, U.S. companies are increasingly being forced to rely on foreign imports in their effort to meet consumer demand. But serious questions remain about the integrity of the inspection and certification process in some countries, especially China. The USDA, in fact, has yet to make an inspection tour of China's government-controlled certification system, even though the United States is already importing huge amounts of Chinese organic products.

However, the subject of utmost concern today is the industrialization of organic – or at least its consequences. After thirty five years of building a multi-billion dollar replacement for industrial agriculture, large corporations, aided and abetted by the USDA and members of Congress, are now moving to lower organic standards and seize control. According to journalist Michael Pollan of The Omnivore’s Dilemma fame, “Organic is just a word and its definition now lies in the hands of the federal government, which means it is subject to all the usual political and economic forces at play in Washington. Inevitably, the drive to produce organic food cheaply will bring pressure to further weaken the regulations.”

One thing is certain. The word ‘organic’ has been tainted. Today, it’s nearly impossible to buy something that is ‘organic’ in the true sense of the word. Then why bother paying so much (about fifty percent more) for something that is questionable. I am in no way suggesting abandoning ‘organic’. I only implore you to first look at your options closer home. Buying phenomenally fresh local produce from the closest farmer’s market may not always be convenient or even pesticide-free. But it supports the small scale farmers handicapped by the corporates and carries only a fraction of the foods miles its ‘industrial organic’ counterpart does. An even better bet would be to get involved with CSAs (Community Supported Agriculture) like Poughkeepsie Farm Project or Phillies Bridge Farm Project Inc. in New Paltz where members make a financial commitment to a farm and receive a weekly or monthly basket of produce, eggs, milk or any sort of different farm products. They may not be as easy as choosing certified ‘organic’ but most of them have very sustainable farming systems in place. Go for the certified ‘organic’ in the supermarket when these options are not viable but try and find out about the company’s production methods and make a responsible, informed decision. More importantly, try and stick to what’s available in the season and hence most likely local. Remember, the key word here is local, not organic. As renowned author Wendell Berry puts it, “Eating is an agricultural act.” Treat it that way.

Let's begin with the basics!

2007-12-29T00:38:00.000+05:30

Having thankfully tested out of A Block (Elementary Math and Writing – I would go crazy in those classes), I now find myself midway through B Block – that drab of a time apparently when you’re just itching to get into the kitchen and get your hands on those knives. Math and writing are still something of a joke and Food Safety is something I’ve gone through before a million times. But the fun part is Product Knowledge and Gastronomy.

Now Introduction to Gastronomy is a class where one expects to learn and understand the history of food, eating habits of people and such. I have to point out in retrospect that we didn’t. Instead, for instance, I ended up volunteering for an aversion tasting where I was force fed a myriad of exotic grub from all over the globe – roasted crickets from Mexico, fried Larvae from South America, roasted black ants from Africa, snails from France, tamarind from yours truly and kimchi from Korea just to name a few. I did not complain. We also were assigned to give presentations on famous Chefs who’ve influenced the world of Gastronomy like Escoffier, Point, Careme or the more recent Ferran Adria. But what was more peculiar about this class was our instructor. Professor John Nihoff is anything but your regular faculty member who hides away within the confines of his office cubicle. He chooses to make his presence felt which most of us think makes him seem overtly pompous. Let’s get a few things straight here. The man is not really a genius but he’s quite famous for being considered an authority on Korean food, stating that the “spork is the only true American utensil” and more notably, for occasionally sitting on the Judges chair for Iron Chef America. Whether he’s full of himself or not doesn’t detract from the fact that he can afford to be. Did I not mention that he’s best buddies with Morimoto?

Introducing, Mr. Jay Stein, the ‘Produce Geek’ (a very cool one at that). Now my fellow culinarians here at the CIA might have a lot in the negative to say about this forty-something year old wacko, but I feel otherwise. Stein may be inconceivably deceitful and often intolerably cheeky but like he constantly reminds us, there’s method to his madness. You could argue that my partiality towards him is based on our common intolerance for stupidity (though I don’t voice it bluntly like he does) which is ever so prevalent here. The man knows his ‘fecal material’. And more significantly, cares about it too (he swears that people should “forget organic and eat local”). He has a twisted sense of humor which of course dries out because he repeats his steinisms way too often (you can’t blame him; he’s been taking the same 6 week class over and over again for years – “At the end of these 6 weeks, all of you or at least most of you (evil grin) are moving to C Block. You know where I’m going?? I’m headed back to B Block!). To the students in the back “cheap” seats, he would scream sarcasm, “Did you go to the Bursar’s office yet and tell them, ‘Excuse me, I have an obstructed view in Product Knowledge class. Do I get a discount?’”. Or when there is a higher noise level in class, he would run and hide behind the whiteboard, wait for a while, and creepily peep out to say, “Is it safe to come out yet?” Then of course, there’s his profanity the professional way (“The faecal material is about to hit the ventilation system” when he notices that the class is getting distracted) and his produce puns (“take a leek”). In short, the man had a purpose and very few students really understood that.

It is not just incidental that the Product knowledge is among the first classes you take at the World’s Premier Culinary college. Every one of those 28 days, we would spend a couple of hours in class discussing about every possible vegetable, fruit or dairy product you could conceive. One was not allowed to be subjective evaluative remarks about them as being good or bad but terms like 'Quality' and 'condition' were used instead. He recommended frequent visits to the CIA Storeroom to be better acquainted with your subject and wake up to go to the Receiving Dock every other morning to see produce coming in firsthand. All this was more than exciting for an Indian food enthusiast like me who hadn't been exposed to the agricultural harvests in this part of the world and I indulged myself.

Rail here, rail there

2007-12-28T04:56:00.002+05:30

There’s something strangely alluring about train rides. In those encapsulated super machines, we find ourselves transported to another world (quite literally), everything we see outside just a painted picture in the distance.

Back in India – a country with one of the longest rail routes and its railways being the largest public sector employer in the world – train rides are anything but ordinary. The trip is a treat to the soul. Vendors walk by every other minute trying to sell you anything from peanuts in shells (something you hardly see anymore everywhere else) to magical ointments and pills which can cure the worst headaches. They’re however most appreciated for their irresistible food – a luxury when you’re left with nothing much to do over a long ride other than read and write.

Irresistible, I say, for two reasons. For one, it is quite good. I wouldn’t exactly call it food cooked in the most sanitary conditions or with the best of ingredients, but these guys have been making their rice biriyanis and chicken curries for decades now and if there’s one thing they’ve mastered, it’s the home feel. Secondly, when I’m sitting around a couple of strangers working on a great book and taking time to appreciate the scenery outside, train grub makes a good digestif; a nice way to wrap it all up.

When I’m on a train in India, I often sit by the door with my legs dangling out and the wind hard in my face – a certain privilege one seldom enjoys. The occasional river you see flow right under your feet makes you feel as free as a bird. There’s no better way to take in the beauty of this particular country than to travel by railroad.

I then find myself travelling on a train in a very different country – almost the opposite to be more precise – and quite disappointed by the lack of association I feel with the outside. Did I already mention the term, ‘encapsulated’? Here in the United States, trains seem to serve the sole purpose they were intended for – transportation. One gets on at one station and out another; an ordinary dispassionate journey nevertheless serving the extraordinary purpose of quick, efficient and more importantly, cheap transport.

Of course, only those who share my feelings of wanting to participate with nature like that and feeling the full worth of the ride will correlate with this arbitrary thought of mine.

The little highs of life

2007-12-02T18:00:00.001+05:30

It always amazes me when I realize that my messed up internal clock can somehow accurately sense certian special occasions. Being someone who can never wake up at the time I want to without a loyal roommate or an overly caring mother, today I needed neither. I actually woke up at 6 in the morning on this beautiful Sunday. What’s so special about today, you ask? Read on.

I somehow couldn’t sleep too well in bed last night (probably because it wasn’t mine) which is very strange for a person who is gifted with ‘sleepability’. So after a couple of minutes of weighing the pros and cons of actually getting out of bed, I finally give up.

The first thing I do when I can’t think of anything specific is to go online. Yes, the internet is indeed one of the new Seven Wonders of the World. In between going through the news on the web and checking my mail, I instinctively go up to my window(the transparent one made of glass) to peep out.

I could then see it. For the first time in my funny life, I saw snow. Little flakes of heaven flowing down like Christmas; God’s way of making up for the sad dullness winter brings in after fall. I put on a jacket and ran out immediately to experience my first snow. Like a 4 year old and his toys, I scooped up a handful and felt it on my palm and fingers. I have never seen something so glorious but yet so simple. And to see it at a place as striking as the CIA campus is just something I won't forget very soon. It definitely made my day.

Welcome to the epitome of culinary education

2007-10-23T09:11:00.000+05:30

The Culinary Institute of America. Every aspiring chef's dream world. Just like mine.

When I first drove into this stunning campus, I could feel the rush I was longing to feel for months. Like the feeling you get when you finally get your consommé right. It was pure exhilaration and it was definitely worth the wait. Roth Hall, the former Jesuit monastery building, stood there in all its celebrated glory; the Vatican of the culinary world as we know it. Anton plaza, as beautiful as ever lay before it, with its pretty little fountain, overlooking the spectacular Hudson River and the striking fall foliage of the valley. Glimpses of the exquisite Caterina de Medici, the award winning Italian restaurant, perfectly placed in a Mediterranean setting garnished with a bountiful herb garden. Of course, the Conrad N. Hilton library, standing tall, proud to be one of the greatest sources of food knowledge; yes, the second largest culinary library in the world, after the Library of Congress obviously. This was just a teaser.

Just over 21, fresh out of 4 years of college at WGSHA, India's most prestigious and notorious Hotel Management school in Manipal, the Oxford of India, here I am, at my new home. I have no prefixed notions about the next 2 years of my life except that I’m going all out to wring out every last bit of culinary knowledge and skill this place has to offer. It still hasn’t sunken in thatI’m really here, at this ‘Harvard of cooking schools’ as they call it. I mean, this is it!

Apertif to a glorious life

2007-08-09T23:33:00.000+05:30

I didn't always know I wanted to be a Chef. The origins of my interest in gastronomy trace back to when I was about 13 years old; to the days of frequent visits to my grandparents’ home on Saturday afternoons for delicious Kerala food cooked to perfection by my grandmother. She was someone who made normal lunches seem like royal feasts that would leave anyone at the table begging for more. And it wasn’t just her ability to dish out fabulous puddings or mouth-watering roasts that drew me in, but her innate gift of making the simplest of her cooking taste irresistible. I fell in love with the joyfulness and enthusiasm with which she carried out her work every single time and this enthralled me so much that now I wanted to make people feel the same way. I wanted to be able to give to people food that doesn’t just taste amazing but leaves behind a wonderful memory - one that would always be cherished.

Now here I am. Just days away from being a part of one of the finest culinary schools in the world. I can only imagine the life that lays ahead of me. Training under the greatest of Chefs. Eating the finest food. Drinking the best of wines. Ah, life looks good from where I'm standing.

Judgement Day - How to best prepare yourself for an American Visa interview

2007-08-08T15:01:00.000+05:30

No, this is not an extract from 'Interview skills for Dummies' nor is it an obligatory Assistance Forum for fellow prospective Indian students in the US. This is just plain experience.

On a very unassumingly comfortable Thursday morning in Chennai (Madrasi inhabitants should know about the mysterious pleasant weather in Chennai over the last couple of weeks), I find myself outside the huge stone walls of the American Consulate, awaiting the conviction that lay ahead of me inside.

Two queues , 3 counters, a security check, a fingerprint scan and about 2 and a half hourse later, I wait in line (a very long snaky one at that) for my case to be brought up. The Judge enters. This 50-something year old tall ruggedly handsome American walks to the centre of this not so large hall which now houses about a hundred Visa hungry Indians. He glances at the whole crowds and finally speaks with his thick American accent.

"Good morning. My name is Mark Walter. Say 'hello Mark'!". Anywhere else in the country, I would expect an awkward silence amongst the crowd which could be due to 2 reasons; either they're very apprehensive about the consequences of responding to such a strange introduction or they just didn't understand what he was saying. But these people were obviously very desperate to leave the country. So in loud unision and a very unusually energetic tone, they mimic him and give their best 'Hello Mark' ever! Obviously, I chime in too. I was no different.

It's evident how these Americans are the most pleasant lot in an institution of such stature but you can see they're actually evil. Mark goes on, "Good! You guys really want your visas, don't you?". This guy was funny. Atleast he thought he was. And unfortunately for us, we had to too. "I am the Chief of Staff here at the Visa Issuing Department in the American Consulate. Yes, I rule this place. I've been in this messy business for the last 15 or 16 years and that means I've seen hundreds of thousands of you." Old school to the core. "Sometimes, we Visa officers make a mistake and (pause) give you a visa", (crowd bursts into a giggle after a small comprehension delay), "and sometimes, we make a mistake and we don't give you a visa. But if you ask me, I would say we have a pretty good accuracy rate. Our job is not to give you visas. Our job is to decide whether we should." He strides up and down looking at each person in the line as he passes by. "Everyone in the room except me wants a US Visa, am i right? I don't need a visa. Hell, I have 41 visas. I've been travelling the whole world. I'm here to help you. Now a few things you can do to better your chances of getting a visa :

1. When you walk up to the Visa Officer, wish him. Smile and say 'hello'. These guys see hundreds of people everyday and the last thing they want to see is your grumpy face.

2. PAY ATTENTION! Most of the time, my subordinates ask very simple straightforward questions and the answers we get are outrageous. Listen to the Officer's question and answer only to the question. I know this could be a problem because most of you have been practising your prepared 1 hour long speeches so that you can chatter them away at the slightest opportunity. These will not help you here. Neither will 'acting' confident. I have interviewed a lot of actors and not all of them have got their visas. All you need to do is pay attention and your work is half done.

3. Be honest. Back in 1994, I had a guy in Guatemela who told me he was a heart surgeon. I gave him a piece of paper and asked him to draw the human heart and he gives it back with a valentine heart drawn on it. Obviously amused, I hand it back and ask him to now draw the aorta. Dumbstruck, he draws an arrow through the heart. This man didn't get his visa to enter the United States. So if any of you are here with false claims or fraudulent documents, leave now and get real ones. Because if I find out, and I most definitely will, I will debar you from entering the United States for the rest of your life.

4. This next one's especially for the students. Now, I know all of you here are real people. Indvividuals. With real lives, real families and real dreams. Now if you're asked about what you're going to do after you finish your studies and if you're going to give that steriotypical 'I'm going to come back to India and serve my country and bring prosperity and blah blah blah' answer, we're going to see through you. There's hardly anyone in this room who's actually going to do that. My advice? Tell them you're going to work in some good company or firm, earn a little and then come back and start something of your own or join some business here in India. (And THAT'S being honest??) But that's only my advice.

Good luck and have a nice day."

With that, he walks away and instructs some guy standing around to send only students to Counter No. 8 so that he will see them now. As luck would have it, the guy picks me among a couple of others and 10 seconds later, I find myself in line to face the Chief. As I stand there, I see people being denied visas on various accounts including Negligence, Misdemeanor, Breach, Fraud and the likes. Weirdly, it doesn't worry me much.

The guy before me has a tough time. His appeal was weak. He had 51 backlogs and wasn't financially well supported. Mark vivdly points out that he would not be able to finish his course and would probably be an economic burden to the US. Objection. Overruled. Petition to consider once again. Denied. Verdict - Dismissal based on reasonable doubt. Before he even realizes what's happening, Mark gives a sharp sweet "Thank you and have a nice day" and turns off the microphone.

Next case. Visa issuance for Funnylifian. I am at the pedestal this time. And I am my own attorney. I give my practised pleasant "Hello Mark" and smile forcibly but believably. I present my evidence. Visa interview appointment letter, Mark sheets, Provisional degree certificate, etc. He checks them under some device for credibility. It holds. He types in something into his computer and then begins the interrogation.

"Do you have any backlogs?" I proudly reply "No, none". "Who is going to pay for your education?". "My dad", I quickly reply. "How much does your dad earn as income every month?" Unaware myself, I quickly glance through my financial papers and try to spot the figure. Inadvertedly but very stupidly of course, I tell him my dad's annual income. His eyes brighten. "If you dad earns that much a month, I'd like to marry him myself!". I recheck and apologize sheepishly giving him the right figure. Mark acknowledges before typing something into his computer again. "Ah, CIA! Good. I have friends at the culinary institute. I hope you do know that it's hard work." This man's making small talk with me, I thought. What luck. "I know, but it's the best place to do it," I confidently reply. He smiles in agreement. Verdict - "Congratulations, you have a visa." "Thank you, (your honour), thank you very much," I say very gratefully and scamper away.

The entire interview lasted just under 2 minutes.

How to best prepare yourself for an American Visa interview?

Don't.

Stalking for peace

2007-07-22T15:33:00.001+05:30

Today, for the first time in my insignificant life, I stalked someone. What was otherwise meant to be a mildly humorous and amusing experience was anything but that.

I knew this woman. I knew her quite well. Yet, I had no idea where she was walking to or what was on her mind as she went down the lane away from me clutching her bag. I followed her down the street and onto the next. I then went ahead and parked myself at a distance on the other side of the road watching her in my rearview mirror. Sitting in the luxury of my car, I lit a cigarette to bring some comfort to my disturbed mind.

Telling me that she would take an auto-rickshaw home, my mom had walked off after our lunch together a couple of minutes earlier without turning back and with a grim look on her face I couldn't exactly read. She was obviously upset but I had no idea what it was about. So I followed her and told her I'd take her home but she refused bluntly. This of course got me a little worried and that is when I decided to stalk my own mother.

She kept walking. Onto main roads and side roads she went like she knew exactly where her destination was. And more than the curiosity to know where she's off to in this frenzy, I was scared. Women can be highly unpredictable, and complicated. And my mom is both. But she's also quite clever and shrewd. So before I knew it, about five minutes and half a mile later, she spotted me. I was caught in the act and didn’t even have an alibi.

In what was to be one of the most awkward moments I've shared with my mother, I drove up to her and rolled down my windows. But I didn't stub out my cigarette just as yet. I already knew what exactly she was going to say if I asked her to get in. Being the stubborn lady she is, she refused again. I asked her where she was going, to which she made a very painful statement. She said that I don’t need to know and that it's not like I let her know where I'm going every time. Somehow, my mom and I have this quality of being able to make statements to people which would leave the other person speechless. I gave up and drove away taking in a really long drag. I knew I'll never find out where she went and what she was upset about. And I didn't.

But that wasn’t all. A couple of hours later, she turns up at home, interrupting my Sunday afternoon Malayalam movie session. Recognizing my complex emotional mixture of anger and hurt, she kisses me on the cheek and lets me know that she can get really upset too sometimes - a little consolation for a lot of worry. Or was it the other way around? I still have no idea why she was upset, where she went and what she was really thinking this afternoon. I wonder if I ever will.

Can hardly wait

2007-07-21T22:43:00.000+05:30

And the countdown has begun; for my leaving the country of course. Between running around to fix a passport disaster (My folks got my name mixed up when they applied for my passport 10 yrs back and we notice it only now!!! Just about a month before I leave!!), getting injected in a million indisclosable places with a stupid excuse of medical check up and making it on time for my evening club routine (It's among the few contructive things I've been meaning to do these LONG holidays) of badminton and swimming and working out (Thats sounds good on blog!), I stopped by this little chaaya kada for some kaapi (ironic?) and it's best accompaniment (No, not Marie biscuit you idiot! The socially abominable yet personally alluring cigarette of course).

Very much alone and left only with my own FEW thoughts, I sat there taking the first couple of minutes to observe - like I always do. Bored of watching the chaaya kada guy and the dull lungi clad regular sitting near me staring into blank space (like they really have NOTHING to do on a weekday at 4 in the afternoon), I shifted focus to something a little more significant to me. CIA. New York. A new life. Or rather a fresh start. I couldn't be more clueless as to what to expect over the next couple of years. All I could feel was sheer excitement. I felt like this little kid who couldn't wait for his birthday and the gifts that pour in with it; not because he has any clue of what he's getting but only because he knows he's going to love it anyway - the sheer experience of it.

Minutes later, the ever so caring chaaya kada guy breaks my feel good stream only to come up to me and remind me about my coffee getting cold. Well, "I DON'T MIND IT COLD!!" is what I would've said at most in my worst mood but not now; not today. Today, I just smile, gulp down the rest of the caffeine, stub out my butt, pay up and quietly walk away, smile still on.

2007-06-12T16:48:00.000+05:30

What goes around definitely seems to be coming around...

Updates, anecdotes and the funny life theory

2007-04-24T00:12:00.000+05:30

This is way over due..I wont lie to you. I got bored of blogging too. Another one of my million temporary obsessions maybe...but funny thing is that so has almost everyone who's blogs I'd been reading. A loooot has happened since I last wrote (Almost feels like I'm confessing in church);

Let me start with happy things...

I got through the CIA...no...dont look perplexed..i know i'm not cool enough for the CIA...but this is the CIA which i've been growing to crave for. The Culinary Institute of America. One of the best places on the planet for food lovers who want to make a difference. This obviously means my life is gonna go through a drastic revamping...i mean..it's not just the distance (This place is in New York..)...but everything that comes with that controversial country of today. And anything could happen. That's exactly what I'm excited about.

I decided to stop being a zombie. I can feel pain now. It hurts but it's gooooood.

I am now a BHM graduate and more than anything, that means I'm leaving behind Manipal and everything and everyone I've become so familiar with. Sad but true.

I'm soon going to be in contact with less than 2 percent of the people i know in Manipal. This cud be a depressing thought if i thought hard enough.

I am now at home full time..atleast for the next 4 months and I take the meaning of joblessness to a new level everyday.

2007-02-21T03:55:00.000+05:30

"And it breaks my heart to see that every time I try to trust, I'm shattered even more." How many chances can you give someone before you break that vase into powder?

no more.

2007-01-13T18:40:00.000+05:30

So often have I been put in this situation where I know about people close to me lying to me before my very eyes, which feels so much like a betrayal , and yet I keep quiet about it...Don't they owe me the truth???

And the funnylifian speaketh...

2007-01-12T17:32:00.000+05:30

Yes, the new year's here...ah, thats some pee relief right there...last year wasnt too good for me..u guys closer home will know why...hoping this year will be more peaceful. Actually i've almost reached a juncture; that time in your life when u finally decide what to do with it. Atleast it 's that first time (before u fail and are made to stand on the podium again). Here are a few updates on what's been happening on this side of the..erm..screen over the past couple of weeks (This could be so that u know what i've been upto but more so so as to make sure i do);

1. I turned 21; as if it's supposed to make me feel any different.

2. I've been drinking so rarely these days that I'm beginning to get worried about myself. Gulp!

3. I'm on "non-talking" terms with so many ppl that it's my all-time high...or rather low.

4. I'm going back into my favourite comfy shell when i just about managed to crack it open..Let's not go down that road, so dont ask why...

5. Haven't performed in such a long time that I don't even feel like I have a band.

6. I've decided that I want to be rich so that I can travel the world! (Trust me \, it's a new thought for me...)

7. To accomplish the above, I'm beginning to draw myself a masterplan...starting at the best culinary school in the world.

8. I'm beginning to feel more numb than ever...

9. I've been upto no good dealing with matters of the opposite sex, leaving scope only for hurt or hatred.

10. I haven't felt more closer to Cupps...but don't think she reads my blogs.

Where's all the humour in my life gone???

Manipal culture

2006-11-02T13:24:00.001+05:30

Don’t even think there’s something of the sort literally. But who’s to say what words you can conjure up or can’t, right? It takes extra effort from my faithful fingers to not punch the dot key thrice after each random sentence; like I’m permanently living on the SMS or Messenger world of informality. Guess somewhere along the way, I too lost parts of me here and there – parts I probably can never pick up.

I guess that’s where I’ll start. Manipal - the land of the free; a home to stoners galore; a haven for the alcohol-thirsty; shelter for every single cell itching for release from the evil constricting clutches of the parent or guardian species. I should point out to whomsoever reading that I have been part of this very community for the last 3 years or so. Very much a part of it I should say. Manipal in fact in itself is quite a paradox. While the ultimate advantage of the place lies in the freedom it gives you, little do people realize that they’re unconsciously still entrapped in a cage; only this time, bigger than before. The so called cage they formidably call Manipal.

My thoughts are all deep down and it takes considerable determination to dig them out. My spade has been idle for quite a while now.

Let me just use this forced opportunity to clear up something. Manipal as a place is pretty much pure. Neither really barren nor completely clouded by the pollution of commercialization. It still remains to be what Mr.Pai probably dreamt it would. An incredible achievement so to speak. Beautifully pushed to a mild altitude, symbolic of standing tall from the rest and still green from all the vegetation, it’s quite the sight. So like I said, it’s not the place that has the problem but the people. Perhaps ‘problem’ is too harsh a word. Perhaps not.

When I speak of the Manipal influence, I speak on behalf of a small conglomeration. Definitely not large enough to raise a voice. For I do not know the opinion of thousands. Surely someone must find out.

Let me first analyse the obvious signs of influence this place has on it’s inhabitant students. It is mainly the abuse of freedom which takes different forms – namely taking to cigarette smoking, alcohol, over expenditure and the more infamous ones like casual sex and weed. There are probably more I haven’t mentioned due to the urgency of this so-called report.

To begin with, Manipal is, by the way, a “No Smoking Zone”, declared so by the Govt. of Karnataka blah blah blue. In reality, it’s no where close. Quite on the contrary, I’ve been noticing for a while now that even kids who considered smoking so taboo that they would kill themselves before that had to take that fateful puff, are now very much part of the larger community; the Smoker’s community that is. I really don’t understand what it is that makes us students resort to smoking after we’ve been brought up to believe it’s gravely forbidden. What is it about Manipal that makes non-smokers smoke and smokers smoke a whole lot more? It couldn’t be just the ‘freedom’ could it? Could it be the unconscious frustration of the larger cage I was earlier talking about? Or is it because of the constant cycle of there always being smokers around you inadvertently influencing you to resort to the same? It could be anything really. And just for the record; it is almost impossible to make a “No Smoking Zone” out of Manipal!

‘Alcohol, my only friend…’, my room-mate once wrote when he was drunk. Did he really mean it, I wondered. I confess here that my first drink was in Manipal. So was my first time pissed drunk. And also my first puke. And the first time I dealt with drunk and passed out people. Alcohol is in fact dirt cheap in Manipal. Like money ever stopped anyone from drinking. But it is a strong factor I should add because even the economically weak can afford a daily drink of two. Does that mean everyone who goes to Goa becomes an alcoholic? Definitely not. So there should be something more then shouldn’t there? Speaking for myself and a couple of friends, we have been through phases in Manipal when we drank literally everyday; some of us drunk, the rest blown. After that pour out the fights – verbal, physical and emotional. Ego clashes, girl issues or simply an accidental or purposeful nudge could break out any of the above. But for the rest of us who do not get involved in any such tantrums or fights, I think drinking isn’t that bad. We just have to watch our ugly livers.

Everything’s cheap in Manipal. Everything right from the food to the alcohol and even autos are all at an extremely affordable rate. Where else would your get a big bowl of Chicken fried rice for Rs.25? I say cheap in terms of comparing it with other student friendly places like Pune or Ahmedabad and also taking into account the luxury Manipal has to offer, both in terms of infrastructure, scenic beauty (Read: beauties), entertainment etc. The humor in the matter is that you end up spending much more that you really should be in such a cost effective environment. And you hardly even realize it until the 16th or 17th of each month when your bank balance is bordering on double digits. Who suffers? Not you. Definitely not me. Quite obviously, it’s the 9-to-eternity working 40-something a month earning dignified but hardly standing dad and/or mom who fail miserably in trying to inculcate value for money in their ‘brought up well’ kids. Wake up guys!!! We’re spoilt!

I read somewhere in the recent past that Indian office scenarios are fast becoming a harbour for casual sex. Why stop there? So are college towns. And a prominent one at that is our very own Mr. Pai’s Manipal. I wonder how many of you would be surprised at this but I’m quite certain that if you were to do a survey on the number of students who’ve ‘done it’ in Manipal, the results should pretty much support my previous statement. Don’t quote me on that; I just speak out of simple observation and from the zillion rumours which take the form of mouth-watering gossip. I personally don’t think there’s anything wrong with pre-marital sex or the other related so-called evil doings in modern society. After all, it’s only a matter of personal choice, right? With so many students hanging around staying in isolated houses and with the hormones pumping like there’s no tomorrow, what’s to stop these meat-hungry kids? The late Mr. Freud called this the genital stage of psychosexual development.

Moving onto the most talked about ‘culture’ spotlight of Manipal – Weed alias Ganja and also known locally as ‘stuff’, ‘maal’, ‘pot’, ‘grass’ etc. But more commercially known as Marijuana or Cannabis. I’ve heard decade old stories of how ‘ganjaful’ Manipal used to be compared to the situation now. With the amount of grass floating around this small town today, I can only wonder how it must’ve been then. Even students smoking up out in the open in the hostel campus was hardly frowned upon in the yesteryear. Grass in Manipal is so common that they even have it named, sometimes after the peddler or even the subtle flavour ( like ‘mango’weed) and everyone’s doing it. It almost a way of life! And shockingly, I’ve hardly heard of any ganja busts on campus. The reasons are only assumable. Weed, however, unlke any of the above topics I’ve already discussed is not something we just simply push off. It’s repercussions are plenty. For more information on that, the net is or playground and wikipedia is only a click away.

To be contd.

http://memoirsofacook.blogspot.com/

2006-11-02T13:21:00.000+05:30

When you're trapped between 2 worlds, do u do what is right or what u really want to and just fuck the whole righteousness trip....?

La dolce vita!

2006-09-05T18:41:00.000+05:30

Part of the reason I haven't blogged all this while...or rather most of it, is exactly wat this blog is all about....my experience...my baby..my italian food festival...Bistro Italia.

Yeah..on the 29th and 30th of last month, me n my team gave to Manipal an Italian experience in gastronomy..to mention a few highlights (aplogies for blowing our own trumpets, but u guys should know...), there was an Italian Chef Riccardo Marello who actually came all the way from Asti, Italy through the Italian embassy who worked with us and demonstrated to us Italian cooking, authentic style..we put up the festival on 2 weekdays and were open only for dinner...a total of 450 ppl turned up n we made 1,47,000 bucks...a profit of abt 70,000...which in fact beat all past records at our college by 41,000 bucks...so a true achievement i would call it...and mroe than anything, it was such a fucking eye opener for me...learnt so much no just about heading a whole event like that but also abt my own capabilities and limits..the hard work gone into it is immense...and the fruits of our labour were divine...

Arbid what???

2006-07-31T16:54:00.000+05:30

3 Week long delays and intermediate shut-down threats later, here is Funnylifian again, to unleash his...uhmm...fury!!...ahem no...arbid thoughts...speaking of which... A very bankable friend very pointedly pointed out to me that there in fact is no such word as 'arbid'!!!! I mean, to have a year long blog with painstakingly beautiful posts on trains and home n rock n cooking....arrgh...I've been horswoggled and inveigled!!!!...ok..i'm gettign a little carried away now...

The whole point to this blog (which is quite evident from the relevantly obscure title) is the afct that I've finally moved out...I am now living in a sweet little house facing the sea in Manipal...where the breeze never stops blowing and the booze never stops flowing...god...when did i get so corny...but seriously...haven't been happier in this place...the house did it all...literally freed me from the confines of my jail...hostel that is...this place is everything a college going Funnylifian needs..open, breezy, comfy, homely and fileld with music...doing up the place now with posters and sketches...

Home apart...Have u ever hada 5 hour intimate conversation with someone u just met??? (That was rhetorical,yes u don't have to answer it ).. Met this girl called Princess Konswela (name changed to adopt obscurity), who turns out to be Whinsey's best friend, over dinner last Monday and we just had one really long conversation about so many things...guess it's Manipal that we had in common.. and good music...but feels good to meet someone and instantly ht it off...like u've known each other for years but not...

Mumbai derailed!

2006-07-12T00:32:00.000+05:30

One of the few circumstances when I silently question my faith....Why?

Now that's what I call a header!

2006-07-10T02:49:00.000+05:30

A very disappointing WC final but a very sad but interesting header there. I hope we all know what i'm talking about. No what could possibly have gotten Zidane to make a goaty move like that??? Let's analyse the possibilities -
1. He figured it was his last match, so he probably should go out making a mark ; didn't have to be on the poor Italian's rib cage!
2. His previous header was good but didn't go all the way; so what the hell! Ram away!
3. The dumb Italian totally instigated him so much it made him furious; probably commented on his half-balding head or something....

?????

Not speaking up?

2006-07-06T12:03:00.000+05:30

It's funny that a lot of people are keeping their mouths shut about everything I say inspite of itching to comment on my life....

To be or not to be...is that a question??

2006-07-03T00:30:00.000+05:30

Ah.At my epitome of jobless mind numbing pointlessness in emotion over wanting to fill paragraphs onto my tiny little space in this vast infinity they call the World Wide Web. Here are some arbid food-for-thought(s) for extremely arbid people.

+ Have any of you ever related Space and the Internet??? The thought just popped into my head and it already seems to have a lot in common.

+ Ever realized that there's hardly anything that man hasn't thought of by now. To further prove my point, think of something really vague..you'll probably find it on the net..like that getting married oner the net thing I earlier talked about. Of course, there are some things; like living on the moon..oops they've thought of that too.

+ Isn't it weird how the world wide web came up around 1990 and Blogging only by 1999???

+ Blogging in fact highlights a few very common traits in man - Need for recognition(we all want comments on our blogs don't we), need for high self-esteem(good comments shall i say???), Urge to vent thy feelings, ability to sit endlessly before the PC typing away...
Oh and non-bloggers seem to have stuff in common too - Secretive behaviour, utter laziness, need to act busy etc etc....

+ I find it very weird how we find it so hard to define the words we use so often - like love, time, space, life etc. I guess it's only understandable that people come up with the corniest of associations like Love is like a leaf in spring time...ughh...might as well be a fuckin pig for all I care!

Goan Chronicles 2

2006-06-27T11:45:00.000+05:30

So then that was that. Now it was time for a cheaper more normal existence. So there we were, leaving the Leela for Calangute undoubtedly aware that anywhere in Goa would be a sheer disappointment after that amazing tenure.

Two good things about moving from the Leela to some shack:
1. Room service appears so much cheaper now
2. You're closer to civilization

Anyway, a loooot of walking around, a couple of coffees here and there, a dash or two of beer (Read : ' Barrel or two'), amazing food at Souza Lobo's and a couple of beach strolls later, we ended up for dinner at this Restaurant (Read : 'Bar'...it's Goa!) called Cavala. Well, I infact chose this particular joint because they had live music. And the rest is history. I had one of the best times of my life that night.

My folks left and it was just me sitting by the bar talking to complete strangers about Dylan and Morrisson listening to some amazing stuff by a threesome of oldies (One was a school principal!!! That must be like the coolest school ever!!! Hehe..) sipping (again Read: gulping) down some beer. And the highlight?!?! I eventually went up to the guys and asked them if I could join them. I ended up singing Roadhouse blues and the crowd went beserk! The music went on till around 3 and I was right by them.

So this comes highly recommended from me - Cavala Restaurant, Baga Beach Road, Goa for any Rock hungry freak who steps onto Goa (Saturday nights only I think)...

Goan Chronicles 1

2006-06-26T07:37:00.000+05:30

It’s one thing to stay in a hotel room where the tariff is originally 35000 bucks (Refer Tariff rates – The Leela, Goa…well we got it for 5000 ; I know, great deal huh?!?) but it’s a completely different boat ride to pay 250 bucks for an hour of my third favourite pastime – Blogging!!! That explains why I’m here typing out this Word document on my dad’s laptop on Friday, the 23rd.

So here I am, in Goa, at undoubtedly the most beautiful resort in the state, sipping on (Read ‘gulping down’) some chilled beer indulging in the complacence and drab of what is left of Goa. No doubt loving it!

Yesterday was indeed a very eventful day actually. So anyone up for updates???

Rode down rainy Goa roads on a cruiser bike with my bro.
Found out that I got 1st in my 3rd year University and informed (Read ‘flaunted’) it to buddies and homies.
Realised it’s implications are too good to be true:
§ I get 30000 big ones from the University!!! (Ladies and gentlemen, your treats await you)
§ I get a second hand car from Appa and amma ( That was part of the deal)
Walked down the most isolated beach I’ve ever been to.
Had about 10 beers throughout the day (My best yet…hehe)
Drank shitloads of German sparkling wine. If only I could afford it at home!
Sang With or without you to a bunch of drunk Larsen & Toubro dealers at the conference we actually came to Goa for.
Went to a Casino for the first time in my life and won myself 2000 bucks on the Slots.

Yeah, so all in all, it was just great!!!! Time for another beer; excuse me.

The entire world in a...ahem..laptop???

2006-06-11T02:05:00.000+05:30

This friend of mine was recently telling me about how she introduced me to her mom by showing her my picture on Hi5! This is what the world is coming to fellow bloggees. What's it going to be next? Video conferenced weddings??? Actually it's probably already happened.

Soldiers find link to wed across globe
By Donovan Slack, Globe Staff I June 14, 2004
Many soldiers ordered to Iraq in recent months have made a pit stop at the altar before shipping out, eager to wed their significant others for fear they may never see them again. But just as technology has transformed war on the battlefield, it is altering the personal side of war for soldiers and their families; induding the way they get married.
In a small video conference ceremony spanning some 7,261 miles, two members of the Massachusetts Army National Guard tied the knot this weekend, the bride in Iraq and the groom in Colorado.

See what I mean. I'm not really saying it's bad but it's kinda weird. To have most of your life's dealings on a computer. From matrimonials to now weddings, shopping to theiving, porn to Interpol and of course, we all know of that extremely pointless concept of cyber sex.

But, (ah I love buts.. Ahem, not butts...actually, that too...) maybe the better things in life are still found outside that microchipped box. Like hot coffee and smokes in a cosy little house with the rain pouring hard and CCR playing loud. There's more. You're free to add on...

Updates and anecdotes...

2006-06-09T23:49:00.000+05:30

So, almost a month since my last post...and what has changed with me?... or more aptly put, what hasn't. For my happenings over the last month, read on. On the other hand, if you're so busy that you have 15 other blog updates to read, move on (and what're u doing reading mine anyway???)

1. I finally settled on my place to stay for the next year and frankly, I can't wait to move in and throw a house-ahem-chilling barbecue beer whiskey vodka(for akku) party!!! (Ps. Anyone who's in town on the 24th, by the way, is invited)

2. Moving on to less exciting news, I've completed 3 yrs of college making one step closer to workinglifedom. Yes, I'm in my final year of Hotel Management at 'one of the most prestigious colleges for Hotel Management in the country'. Aargh, if I had a beer for every time I heard that.

3. I witnessed the first engagement of someone I know personally...it happened at Kanjirapally (hats off to all of you who can pronounce that right!) and I stayed with the family at this hilly chilly place called Kuttikanam. Anyway, we had a good time with booze flowing and the music rocking the night away.

4. One of my close friends started working which suddenly reminded me of how old I was getting. Not that I really mind. I would love to start working tomorrow.

5. I've already been to 2 house-parties in Cochin which is a lot for 2 weeks (Ahem..Cochin standards that is) Oh and did I forget to mention they were very eventful parties. The first one was George's which turned out to be quite amusing because he eventually passed and and almost choked on his puke...thrice! Oh and i met his very sweet sister and around 5 of us snaked into the pool at the flat they were staying at at 3 in the freakin morning!!! The second was at Shiv's place in the infamous Panchavati backwater colony, which started out to be lots of fun but eventually had this really drunk ass starting fights all over the place. Anyway, I left the place quite high at 4 in the morning and sneaked into my house but eventually got fired by my folks for the antics. Oh, and the next house-party here is tomorrow by the way...hehe...

6. The world is becoming the size of an 8 inch diameter or whatever that stupid World cup line is. Not exactly what i mean though. I'm talking about how everyone seems to know EVERYONE!!! I mean, Maybe it's a mallu thing but every new person I meet seems to be connected to me in some way or the other. It's freaky. Just yesterday, I found out my close Manipal buddy, Rosa's dad and mine are really good friends! 8 inch diameter it is!

7. Ah and I've run out of hair spray!! Ok, that wasnt important, anyway..that's about it.

Home is where...ahem..the beer is?

2006-05-15T23:18:00.000+05:30

Ah I finally found my abode for the next one year here in Manipal...it's a huge relief really...to get away from this hostel (jail rather...)...it's like a whole new chapter's opening up...the chapter of finally living out alone...the thrills of it...you probably wouldnt understand...u need to live in 'this' hostel to know..I mean even the very idea of me bloggign right now is restricted to '11:30pm only'...I just don't like the idea of 'Imposing restrictions I don't choose myself'...makes me feel I'm not the only one in control of my life..

Anyway...speaking of my 'Home' to be..this is a nice little house near the valley...with a breathtaking view of the horizon and the sea far away...and great breeze blowing...loved it really...planning to really set it up..always wanted a fridge stacked with beer...the little highs of life...so how could I not celebrate the 6000 buck deal with some more beer...

An evil twin??

2006-05-08T17:56:00.000+05:30

Yes, it's been quite a while but let me head straight to the point...

You know how 'they' say that for each one of us, there are some 6 or 7 look alikes somewhere in the world...well yeah, it does sound like crap... I mean, does that imply there are only 1 billion different faces in the world??? Bullshit...well the whole point though is that yesterday, I met one.

I'm telling you...the resemblance was uncanny!!!...a common friend who noticed the clear similarities introduced me to him...I was so freaked out!!! I mean...for me to admit someone looks like me takes a lot...we all do..but this was weird...and what's more...He's Georgy, from Chicago apparently...but his original hometown - Kerala!!.. Wait..the plot thickens...Where in Kerala??? Freakin' Cochin!!!

It's one of the weirdest feelings I've ever been through...think about it...you're looking at yourself but not in the mirror for once...it's a fucking person...! I still can't get over it...

RUN AWAY Train...

2006-04-17T14:02:00.000+05:30

Just got back to sweet ol' Kochi after a really long time...God, I love the welcoming aura of this place...always feel so at home...and then, there's home..ah home..the beauty of it.. I envy myself..Well this post is not about all that..we've all been on trains..presenting to you my take on train travel in India..

What I like about it: The peaceful naive serene scenery and the picturesqueness of the countryside you're a front-seat audience to.
What I don't: How it's only just a picture and probably isn't that comforting if I was in it. Imagine.

What I like about it: How you have that uncertain feeling of that one in a zillion chance of meeting someone exciting,having amazing conversatons over extra sweet watery coffee, who will open your eyes to new horizons and end up leaving that intriguing mark. Better if it's a girl.
What I don't: How you are obliged by the 'Railway Book of Train Passenger Manners Edition 2006' to make some vague awkward conversationwith some arbid really boring diplomat making you end up feeling miserable for being the unlucky one to be chosen in that compartment of those hundred.

What I like about it: The cute little kids scurrying past with almost no hassles troubling them and basking in their own innocence.
What I don't: Their irritating squeaky deafening howling and noise making me want to tie them up and string them by their thumbs. Refer 'Hitler's 1001 Torture Methods' (released in 1945) .

What I don't like about it: How it's so freakin' dirty it makes you cringe and compels you into hoping nature doesn't call too often..or even better...never at all...
What I do: Nah...Nothing good about this one.

What I like about it: How a train journey is usually uninterupted food for thought.
What I don't: That boring diplomat ruining the above mentioned luxury.

What I like about it: That desperate sense of urgent excitement to get to wherever you're going.
What I don't: The awry disillusionment you need to embrace on getting there.

What I don't like about it: Having to bear witness to destitution ; the guy without the leg, the blind chap, the blind guy without the leg, the hijdas, the homeless...........
What I do: How it opens up this door of perception in my head..leaving me pondering for hours about various related intricacies.

I could go on but so does train travel...so until man commercialises and economizes Space Travel...

Huh???

2006-03-28T23:19:00.000+05:30

Great....I always somehow convine myself to blog when I'm in this elevated state of mind...people just don't realize the positive implications of truth..I did...

Went to Down Town today...was already slighty dazed somehow.... I'm sure everyone's had their emotions and their physical-ness playing tricks on them.... You can so hooked onto something that you fail to realize it's totally against your own values....you consciously but unconsciously tend to ignore it...but you know it's happened....God, I can get so vague and just leave you pondering....fuck inhibition!!!!

Trying to keep up with routine

2006-03-25T17:47:00.000+05:30

Well, I thought I'd put up a post today for all my fellow bloggers who find comfort or vague entertainment from reading them...and also because I haven't been too regular...not that I've been too busy...but yeah, I do have my own little things to do...jamming and practise with the band is one, a very refreshing experience at that....then there's our occasional pool session and the routine of swimming I've recently inculcated...No, I'm not on a weight loss or muscle gain regime!... just the whole experience of thrusting yourself against the water and diving into oblivion is so exhilarating...and then you feel so charged up the rest of the evenings....

It's funny how I haven't talked about my Funny Life Theory for a while now...I still totally go by it...life and everything aroundis still very hilarious I must say.. from a very macrospective point of view...so every time I'm upset about something, I just put myself into that frame of mind and things seem a lot less stressful....

Anyway, Zero's playing in Manipal tonight...so gonna get charged up for that, not by swimming...hehe...

Arresting evolution...

2006-03-15T22:13:00.000+05:30

This is something I wrote on the train journey from Udupi to Gokarn...Thought I should put it up on my blog...

Dated 15th March, 2006.

We walk the rainbow of thought
To that town of destitution
Not knowing how time will resolve us
Or revolve us or revolt us

Our arms stretch to reach the waking children
To feed then with our intellectual paranoia
The generations of tomorrow won't know
Why they lack the stimulation to feel

Like the threaded wire we walk on
Coated with greasy unforgiving insecurity
Waiting to slip us into the unending pit
Feiry and filled with emaculate misery

Riding into the darkness of the day
Our bodies perspire with self-destroying hypocracy
Prejudistic notions of every little nothing
Seldom do we pause for introspection

The virus we called greed and the fungus we named jealousy
Weighs down on our psychological evolution
Less do we know of their absurd implications
That consequence would be christened regret

Relative to the theory of relativity
We helplessly let our clock tick away
Fear or haste only last resorts
Options we would never be able to make

Running around the fire of our ancestral ignorance
We dance to the contemporary tunes of ours
Dwelling in the same insignificant knowledge
That limits us to just nearby stars

Hoping to get satisfaction, we crave
Unaware of all awareness
Waiting for that fortunate day
When our luck becomes our harness

Being restricted to not beyond infinity
Our line of thought just gets thinner
Elevating ourselves is the key
If Morrison could, why can't we?

Wasted trust...

2006-03-13T18:32:00.000+05:30

It's been about 2 and a half months since I last really talked to her...on my birthday I think....Why?, a lot of people might ask...it's just this something that I've been telling anyone and everyone whom I have anything more than a Hi-Bye relationship with...Trust!...the biggest offence anyone can ever do to me is lie to me or betray my trust...it just gets me so mad..and more than the act or the incident is the whole intention behind it, that pisses me off...and even after that, an honest confession would do the trick...anyway...I can get over that too after a while and I have forgiven her for whatever she's done but I've decided to keep it at that...I really don't wanna continue a relationship with someone who I think is living a lie. That's the heights. I cannot in my right mind be around someone like that. Besides, till date, she hasn't come up to me and confessed about what she's done. She claims to not know exactly what. So be it.

Me in the 'Torture Room'

2006-02-24T22:06:00.000+05:30

You know what's worse than going to the dental clinic and getting the dentist to drill through your mouth with your jaw open for 45 minutes with light glaring into your eyes and something always being propped onto your palate???? I'll tell you what's worse...going to the dental clinic and getting a DENTAL COLLEGE STUDENT to drill through your mouth with your jaw open for 45 minutes with light glaring into your eyes and something always being propped onto your palate!!!! This is what my afternoon was like :

I go through the usual process of going to the reception at the hospital and showing them my student Medicare card ( Thank god for that because it allows us free treatment )....and then, like always and every other fucking customer related piece of shit hole I've been to ( with a few good restaurants as exceptions), they make me wait for a whole hour to send my file across to the Dental Clinic only to realise it was already kept there as I had an appointment! Aargh...Anyway..so I'm finally escorted to the 'torture room' (Yes, you should see the instruments they use and they have gloves and masks...so the analogy) and the 2 of these docs (Why 2??) does a quick run through of the little information I have to offer them - so I mumble, 'I have a cavity.' It's only then that my eyes take notice of her name tag which reads, ' Shrishya B, MCODS'. Yes, my torturers for the day are 2 chinky third year students from the Manipal College of Dental Sciences and before I could object or even yawn, one of them had their gloved hand groping my mouth.I could hear rattling throughout my ordeal..why??? Because she was so nervous her hands holding the crazy looking intruments were trembling - INSIDE MY MOUTH!! And what makes matters even worse??? The 2 girls were speaking to each other in some funny language muffled by the face masks. So I couldn't really tell if they were just discussing the procedure or saying, 'Fuck, we've fucked up his teeth now!!! Let's pretend to be calm. He'll only realize a couple of years later when his teeth start to fall apart!'

Yeah ok, I understand these guys need to practise a lot before becoming doctors (even we at the Hotel MAnagement college do, with our food fests and stuff...)... but shouldn't there be some kind of supervision atleast??? I mean....fuck!!!!

Reduced to a Dental lesson.

2006-02-22T22:58:00.001+05:30

It's bad enough to have someone apart from you put their hands straight into your mouth...even worse was the fact that he got zillions of weird looking instruments with him..and I could still take it when he practically ripped my whole jaw apart by pulling out one of my molars( which I'm still on pain killers for! )...but having him do that with a group of cute Dental college interns of the MORE emotional species staring straight down my throat was definitely...hmmm...what do you call it?...yes, the icing on the cake...Yes fellow bloggers and bloggees, I was a today reduced to a 45 minute long detailed lesson in Oral surgery. And who's to blame? I do live in a town where students cook your dinner, treat you in the hospital, take out your teeth, publish weekly A.M plus paper...the list is endless...Welcome to Manipal!

Inside Irksome Bliss...

2006-02-20T22:25:00.000+05:30

You will probably never know what it feels like to listen to good metal and realise...hey...we're playing it! Yeah! The adrenaline crash that you feel is just ethereal...my band (Ahem...Irksome Bliss) got together again a couple of days back and we've started practising for a gig that's coming up next month....we're doing it slightly different I mist say, and playing this metallica medley of Fuel, Master of Puppets and Enter Sandman and fuck it felt good!!! To feel that rush this evening made up for every fucked up day I've had this whole year...I mean, it's been my epitomy of dreams to actually perform Master of Puppets on stage live...and it's now actually happening..

Since I'm still on the subject, let me introduce my band.

First, there's Akshat, my roomie, one of the best drummers in a 10 mile radius...who you always notice is so totally into whatever he's playing with his funny vampire-like face expression when he plays and his absolutely pumping enthu....I've been playing with him over the last 3 years and damn he's got so much better since back then!
Listens to bands like Metallica, Megadeth, Slayer, Dream Theater, Nirvana, Incubus...

Then, there's George, my close mallu buddy, the rythm and lead guitarist in the band who I personally think is the only onein the band who shares the passionand dedication that I do...always ready to jam or practise..again, enthu is the buzz word here....and he's getting closer to being a pro day by day.
Listens to bands like Metallica, Led Zep, Nirvana, GNR, Aerosmith...

Thirdly, we have Artet, the youngest and shortest chinky fellow in the band...who loves to show off some moves on his bass guitar...don't miss the tall big jester hat he always wears on stage...he's the kinda guy girls go 'Oh, cho chweet' about...a little on the clumsy side and alwaysbusyon his phone...but pepped up when you hand him a bass guitar...
Listens to bands like Led Zep, Joe Sat, Steve Vai, Mr.Big...

And then, ME...on lead vocals...mostly influenced by Hetfield, Morrison, Bruce Dickinson and the like, music means everything to me..the exhilaration I feel from performing is unexplainable..have a secret ambition to make it big in the Indian rock scene (not so secret anymore)...also play the guitar and am thinking of newer ways to get the band to progress...
Listen to all kinds of classic rock and heavy metal...

So there you have it...Irksome Bliss...founded on Nov. 19th 2005....

An old arbid thought.

2006-02-13T17:50:00.000+05:30

This is just another arbid thought I'd written about three and a half months backon a piece of A4 size paper in class. I've been keeping it in my wallet for some time now. So I thought I might as well dispose of it onto my blog - the dustbin of my arbid thoughts.

Also note that I geekily have not edited anything on the actual writing; though I would've really liked to cut out the devastatingly embarrassing part about Alzheimers. Hehe!

25th Nov, 2005

In dire straits?...not quite...but haven't known what it's like to be truly happy for a really long time now, say in the league of nearly 2 years...of course, it's no one but me to blame for it, for we are all responsible for our own actions, aren't we? Never before has my insignificant little life been so full of issues and complicated situations..What I would do for some peace of mind...

I just stumbled upon this thought that today, right now, I shall start my effort of self realization...not in the Freudian philosophical way but in the simple way of just knowing myself a little better...digging a little harder into this never-ending pit of thoughts, emotions, ideas and so on. I think the effect of the books I have been reading lately is gradually setting in and spreading throughout my body via my blood stream...

I have begun to start losing my memory...both of the immediate present as well as the distant past...which is highly dangerous...because to take memories away from a man is like taking that favourite little teddy bear from the unassuming clutches of a 2 year old...That will cut me off from the only connections I have with so many people and so many things...beginning to think that these are symptoms of the first stages of Alzheimers...only time will tell now...If this memory loss I suffer from is already inflicting me this stinging pain, I cannot help but imagine how torturing it could be or is to a victim of that killer.

I tend to understand people so clearly but yet what completely takes me offtrack is why they do the things they do...it's not surprising then that I am just one of them sharing many of the same actions...but my mind works differently...more complicated I'd like to think...

I'm just sitting in Tourism class now and none of what is being taught or discussed seems to matter or make any difference to me and to many people I can be sure... how fucked up a system is this where students don't feel like studying and do so out of lack of choices....where teachers don't enjoy teaching (or so I assume)...all this has to change...but more people need to realize I guess...some day maybe...

______________________________________________

It's funny to see the wide rainbow of states of mind I've been through over the past few years. And my blog is witness and preacher to that. Though it's mostly been on the negative front, I do realise that some day I'm going to read all my old blogs and just smirk at my arbidity not remembering that it was pretty intensifying to be in those frames of thought.

Pointless???

2006-02-12T22:48:00.000+05:30

And it's yet another evening where I get down on the computer and key down my arbid thoughts. Spending another 15 minutes of my life in pointless intranet jibberish.

You know, everyone talks about how they want to lead meaningful lives and not 'waste' their time doing things they consider shallow. But aren't we all taking a total subjective look at that? I mean, isn't it all relative anyway? Who's to say what's meanigful and what's not? Just because a large number of idiots who have agreeably common viewpoints ( Or 'society' as they're are more commonly known) say some things like social work or art are worth spending time on, does that make it meaningful? For all you know, wiling away time listening to good rock or getting high is what's really meaningful. Who's to tell really? You? Or me?

Adrenalin rush!

2006-02-10T23:03:00.000+05:30

How many of you know what an adrenalin rush is all about. A lot of you might boast about it but really; have you felt it? Don't bother thinking twice whether you have or not. Because if you definitely know it. Today was exactly that for me. Adrenalin. All the way through. I was driving Girish's car throughout Manipal and it was one good trip. I do admit it wasn't much of a car being a little rusty 800, but I could still feel the rush.I was high obviously but that's besides the point.

I do advice though that no matter how confident you are of your driving, try not to when you're too high. I made that mistake today but enjoyed it. But I would just call that sheer luck that I didn't knock down anyone or bang into some jutting out tree. At the end of it all though, it's all about having a good time.

I'm a little high right now but I still religiously continue blogging. Ladies and gentlemen, I have a confession. Life just got a little better!

???

2006-02-09T23:08:00.000+05:30

What do you do when what you want completely clashes against what is right??? I mean, if there's something you want to do so bad but you know it's totally wrong and really goes against even your own values; what do you do? Do you go ahead with what you want or do you go against your values and your conscience???

Change...

2006-02-04T14:49:00.000+05:30

You know, when you're younger and the world seems to be a much happier brighter place (or rather the people are), you consider yourself as part of a conglomeration of people. But as you grow older into adolescence, you seems to be singling out yourself into this individual entity which you actually are in a lot of ways. With age comes both advantages and disadvantages you know. While on one hand, you find yourself more independent and able to take care of yourself, the other side of the coin tells you that the people you called friends don't seem to need you anymore.

If nothing is constant except change, then what the hell is so special about friendship and love and the other superficial creations of man? I mean, why the hell do we act so differently with different people at different times?? Why does 'Change' exist??? To make man's life less boring and monotonous but more complicated? Please. It has to go deeper than that. I myself have and even currently are; on non-talking terms with people I used to be so close to. Whether that is out of my own choice or not is not the point here. I'm asking you. Why does it happen? There has to be a reason. There's one for everything.

Home..definitely where the heart is.

2006-01-29T13:51:00.000+05:30

Yet again I find myself sitting on my hot humid verandah overlooking my small beautiful garden which ammma has made significantly frequent efforts to maintain. Have you ever got to a point where you feel that you've been made for your home rather than vice versa? That everything so smoothly falls in place that you wonder why you take that fateful step out into the wilderness away from the safety net home offers you. This is just one man's opinion but I'm sure you'll go through this phase of mind some time.

I mean, you should picturise me right now. I'm sitting on this old grandfather's chair on my marbled verandah typing away on my mom's laptop sipping on some strong coffee ( Which I had the liberty to make myself) on a beautiful Sunday afternoon with no worries absolutely (except that the battery might run out and I might actually have to get up and recharge them). Guys, How much better can life get.

Abraham Maslow compiled this Heirarchy of man's needs with the primary ones (Physiological) at the bottom and and then safety and self-esteem and so on till Self actualization right on the top. He said that man would go out of his way to achieve each of his needs only if the one below that on the Heirarchy was already satisfied. Now, I looked at the chart and I figured that I have all those things except Self-actualization which meant that either his theory was wrong or that I've achieved a lot in a very short period of time. I'd say his theory was wrong.

Inotice that My readers are decreasing in number. I drew that stupid conclusion from the lack of comments. In a way, this is good because I will probably be able to address more personal issues with less people reading them.Bu if I really had to do that, why not just write a diary or make a blog and tell no one about it. Let's face it fellow brother and sister loners. However comfortable we are alone, at the end of the day we do need someone to share, if not our feelings or emotions, atleast our arbid thoughts.

'Questioners' and 'Answerers'???

2006-01-23T23:04:00.000+05:30

Is it better to be a 'Questioner' or an 'Answerer' ?(Yes, I just cooked up those two words. That's why I love blogs. It gives you the luxurious liberty to do whatever the fuck you want!)

Now, back to my question. I brought it up because in one of our very intellectual and deep conversations me and my roomy, Akshat have, I came to the conclusion that while he always questioned everything ever talked about, I somehow had (or seemed to have) the answer to everything. So that makes us 'Questioners' and 'Answerers'. Like teachers and students.

Now being an 'Answerer' myself, I should have a solution for this too. I don't really think there's any elemnt of goodness or badness involved in either. I guess both are good in their own ways and a healthy combination would be ideal. What's common to the two classes of people however is that both are 'Thinkers'. We're all thinkers!

The above seemed quite pointless but just wanted to bring out the point that there are so many freakin' aspects to life and people, it's endless. There's no other topic of conversation ( Other than music, of course!) that interests me more. I've got my exams going on this week and I have to study for the Accounts one tomorrow, so it's time to be a 'Questioner' tonight and an 'Answerer' for tomorrow's paper. Goodnight to you!

Nothing in it's true sense exists?

2006-01-14T16:56:00.000+05:30

To be forced into charity is to me, an act of utter stupidity. I mean, it kills the whole point doesn't it? Isn't charity supposed to be a selfless unconditional act of giving.

Now, my college is not just taking but taking forcibly. We have this big charity event called HOPE (Help Our People Exist) being organised this weekend where the proceeds go to the PM's Relief Fund and some local cancer institute. But us students are being forced into buying the tickets (100 bucks each) for the show.

I will not miss to point out that every single fellow would indeed have bought the tickets either because of that teeny weeny little charitable side to them or through the attractions. But that's not the point now, is it? Charity in it's true sense should never be imposed on anyone, right?

Who am I kidding actually - Nothing to me seems to exist in it's true sense anymore. Not love. Not happiness. Not friendship. The list is endless. I guess these are, like anything else, just man-made phenomena created for those many, who need that element of hope to survive - who are indeed fooled into beleiving that these do exist. I'm glad atleast I realized. You should think about it too.

My last hope lies in music. Rock Show at HOPE tonight by Galeej Gurus, a Bangalore based band. Now that's my idea of partying.Rock on!

Mixed arbid thoughts.

2006-01-11T22:49:00.000+05:30

Ever heard of a relationship without fights or problems?? You couldn't have because there's no way it exists.I get people come up to me every day talking about how their relationships are so full of fights and arguments every other day.

And i can vouch for that too. I myself have been through lots of that in my first relationship. So bottomline??? - I guess it's time for all of us to stop and acknowledge the fact that there's nothing novel about frequent fights in a relationship.

All of you reading who've been in and out of relationships will agree, I presume. If you dont, give me a call because your relationship handling ways could be of tremendously helpful use to me and a great deal of people i know.

'Nothing is constant - except change' they say. It makes a lot of sense and I totally agree. We just have to learn to use change to our advantage I guess. I've learnt a lot over the past 2 and a half years in college. (Wait...you probably know nothing about my college) Let me give you a small insight with a post from my 'Funny life theory' blog :

Unedited. October 14th, 2005
A vague Intro

Well.... Life is funny...to all you people who understand that, great..you're up for good times...and to all you guys who don't, well,I'll try and explain it to you.. i'm not trying to preach here or give long pages of advice...it's just my theory about this vague concept of life, not in the scientifically used sense...more on the philosophical side... I've had people around me think I'm weird about this theory of mine but some day..even if for a jist of a moment, it'll hit you...
Lemme first introduce myself...Thomas Zacharias... (crap to people who think blogs are meant to be anonymous..who're we kidding???)but mostly go by the name of Zac or Thoma amongst my friends...on the very verge of falling out of teenhood...hardly feel my age though.. studying 3rd year in a weird hotel management college in a sweet little town called manipal...weird because 1.It's got worse curfews than home...2.The faculty spy on you from little corners across town... 3.Almost all the other 400 students I live around are depressed...with that common dumb reason of ' I hate this place' or 'The people here get to me'...(Sadly I'm one of them..) and the list goes on...but I'll tell you why I like this place... You get all the freedom you've ever wanted, to do any fuckin shit you feel like.. it's one hell of a beautiful place, like it just been taken off an R K Narayan book or something...and there're tons of pretty girls around (as shallow as that sounds)... and to emphasize again..it's a freakin beautiful place...Enough about the place.. A couple of things my life revolves around... MUSIC!!!!(leaning towards rock and some metal)....the ever so cliched friends (this may come as a suprise to some of you)... my folks (again a surprise) and my little philosophical mood swings... without a healthy mix of all these... I would be lost... which I have been lately...

To get back to what I was talking about. I've learnt so much from this time I've spent in college and seen and gone through lots too. And with experince comes what??? Two things -

1. Change which is inevitable
and
2.Maturity which you need to develop

Now change I definitely have encountered.My god I've changed.(I'm not gonna comment on whether thats a positive or a negative one because I probably wouldn't be a good judge of it) But to think that I was this happy-go-lucky guy who used to be a little emotional, even if not like the I cry for lion-king types ( which my closest friends turned out to be) and I used to be corny too( thank god that's changed) To top it all I was happy. And what's happened now??? The depression bug bit me. And what's funny is that I'm more bewildered by what's happened than worried Of course, there is due reason to worry isn't there guys? For these are supposed to be the best days of my life - College.Ptuey!! I say. Crap to all of you who believe that. I mean, aren't you supposed to be the sole controller of your life and it's varying levels of amusement??(Refer: Funny life theory) Yes you are. And to add to that huge boulder of responsibilities you have other people to deal with too. I'm not saying that people are bad. Just that it can get pretty annoying sometimes when you aren't sure what to worry about. It's come to that. But I have a solution now - Ignore. Though it gives you only temporary relief and makes your life hell because of all those issues built up over time, it still works dammit! And for us music lovers, there's yet another vent while we're pondering on ways out of this fix - Pink Floyd, ladies and gentlemen. Music for the soul.

Nothing new about a new year but a fresh calender...

2006-01-04T22:01:00.000+05:30

Happy new year??? Well, let's not come to conclusions so fast now, ok...Happy new year is what I thought last year too but look at what the year turned out to be...think I'm justified in beign a little sceptical about this year..but i have a gut feeling it's gonna be better than last one...anything should be..

New year resolutions??? Nah, I dont think so...it's not just that I'm not very good at keeping them...i don't see any reason why a calendar change should be a reason to turn good all of a sudden (isn't that what new year resolutions are about)...its just another fuckin day...just like birthdays...just another stupid excuse to celebrate and be merry...why dont people do that when they feel like it???... am i the only one with that philosophy???

I think i owe the recent weird lost phase of mine to lack of my usual activities... i'm mostly referring to listening to music...always have this very uncomfortable feeling in my body...like i'm just waiting to rip my head apart and take out that hiding monster and bang it on the wall three hundred and fourteen times....aaaargh! Help!

Hello my big online dairy....

2005-12-19T23:15:00.000+05:30

Hello my big online dairy...you are a good forum for my releasing frustrations but soon I'll get bored of you too..I have so much to say but my mind is all blank...let me try n summarize it all...Nothing really means anything to me anymore...My life's about music and whiskey...ah Music!!! what would i do without her...my parents seem to be the only proof that I still have feelings...I have great friends but thats just about it... some guys to hang out with... very few to call best friends...just turned 20 yesterday but i feel the same (not liek i think it'd make a difference)... akshat's mp3 player got stolen.. fuck that bastard.. so music's come to a brief standstill...ppl i trusted turn out to be so fake it makes me sick.. I'm very confused about my feelings for the oppostie sex....it's definitely still the opposite sex... ahem!.. i drink atleast thrice a week...(got drunk on christmas and the bad hangover that followed)....and so on....

found out that ppl have been using my blog as a source of amusement...not that it really affects me but i try to think of it as my online journal...wondering wat this hi5 shit is all about...so many ppl hooked on to it...noticed how every once in a while something like this comes to take everyone's joblessness and make money out of it?
funny...

got the date a little fucked up... its 27th Dec,2005...11 pm...

Back to the dungeon...

2005-12-12T23:08:00.000+05:30

They say, 'Success is sweet'... well, ya it was in a way if you ask me..it was good to be competing with 23 other colleges not knowing what to expect and come out winners...but that's about it with the winning feeling...to me, this Bangalore competition trip was good because I learnt a lot about myself...i don't mean to sound boring but i did realize a couple of things...and put me in a slightly different perspective than I was when i left...now that i'm back in manipal, feel like I'm falling back into that old phase ...or rather,I'm in the middle somewhere now... oh and yes a few highlights of this 5 day trip...
1. I got to spend hours in Pecos..my ultimate hangout...
2. I met Yam after a really long time...
3. I got first for one of the competitions where I had to write a stupid critical report on a Mc Donalds Mc Veggie burger...( Imagine my plight!!)
4. That was 5 days of amazing weather.witha couple of drizzles here and there...just perfect!

Oh and by the way, I was just exaggerating about the title of this post...this place isn't al that bad...it's one great source of amusement anyway... time to push...

Lost in time

2005-12-02T22:19:00.000+05:30

Lost and totally spaced out I write this nth blog of mine...down a quarter of whiskey... never been scared of what I'm turning into before...I mean, I used to be one of those guys who used to be happy with where they were in life...but something seems to be seriously wrong now... very few of you will know what it feels like to not be able to think or more importantly feel....the last emotion i have is Anger which too I feel soon will just fade away just like those other fellows; namely happiness, pain, surprise, curiousity, jealousy etc... I am turning out to be no different from a piece of wood or even a freaking stone... except that i move and see n hear n sometimes talk....if this is a phase too I hope it passes soon...not liking it at all...I know all my blog posts speak of depression and vague arbidity but that's my state of mind right now...wonder if anyone really understands...doesnt really matter if you do or not...think I need something that will change the way I think n feel n change me back into this positive chirpy fun loving joyful little fellow I claim to be use to be... till then adios...

I seem to be a Schizo...

2005-11-30T22:25:00.000+05:30

Ah I finally get an answer to all my queries about my extended depression, my vague thought process, my memory lack, my detachment from people, my mood swings and every fuckin thing that I am right now.... after all this time of being in the dark about myself, this blog is going to turn my life around...Ladies and gentlemen, I seem to be suffering from the initial stages of Schizophrenia...and to all you fellow bumchums who do not know what this intellectual-sounding word is (which I bet is all of you)..here's some info about the disease...note that highlighting of text means that I find myself experiencing that... read on...

***********************
Schizophrenia
Schizophrenia is a chronic, severe, and disabling brain disease. Approximately 1 percent of the population develops schizophrenia during their lifetime – more than 2 million Americans suffer from the illness in a given year. Although schizophrenia affects men and women with equal frequency, the disorder often appears earlier in men, usually in the late teens or early twenties, than in women, who are generally affected in the twenties to early thirties.
Symptoms
Distorted Perceptions of Reality
People with schizophrenia may have perceptions of reality that are strikingly different from the reality seen and shared by others around them. Living in a world distorted by hallucinations and delusions, individuals with schizophrenia may feel frightened, anxious, and confused.
In part because of the unusual realities they experience, people with schizophrenia may behave very differently at various times. Sometimes they may seem distant, detached, or preoccupied and may even sit as rigidly as a stone, not moving for hours or uttering a sound. Other times they may move about constantly – always occupied, appearing wide-awake, vigilant, and alert.

Schizophrenia and Nicotine
The most common form of substance use disorder in people with schizophrenia is nicotine dependence due to smoking. While the prevalence of smoking in the U.S. population is about 25 to 30 percent, the prevalence among people with schizophrenia is approximately three times as high. Research has shown that the relationship between smoking and schizophrenia is complex. Although people with schizophrenia may smoke to self medicate their symptoms, smoking has been found to interfere with the response to antipsychotic drugs.

Disordered Thinking
Schizophrenia often affects a person’s ability to “think straight.” Thoughts may come and go rapidly; the person may not be able to concentrate on one thought for very long and may be easily distracted, unable to focus attention.
People with schizophrenia may not be able to sort out what is relevant and what is not relevant to a situation. The person may be unable to connect thoughts into logical sequences, with thoughts becoming disorganized and fragmented. This lack of logical continuity of thought, termed “thought disorder,” can make conversation very difficult and may contribute to social isolation. If people cannot make sense of what an individual is saying, they are likely to become uncomfortable and tend to leave that person alone.

Emotional Expression
People with schizophrenia often show “blunted” or “flat” affect. This refers to a severe reduction in emotional expressiveness. A person with schizophrenia may not show the signs of normal emotion, perhaps may speak in a monotonous voice, have diminished facial expressions, and appear extremely apathetic. The person may withdraw socially, avoiding contact with others; and when forced to interact, he or she may have nothing to say, reflecting “impoverished thought.” Motivation can be greatly decreased, as can interest in or enjoyment of life. In some severe cases, a person can spend entire days doing nothing at all, even neglecting basic hygiene. These problems with emotional expression and motivation, which may be extremely troubling to family members and friends, are symptoms of schizophrenia – not character flaws or personal weaknesses.

Normal Versus Abnormal
At times, normal individuals may feel, think, or act in ways that resemble schizophrenia. Normal people may sometimes be unable to “think straight.” They may become extremely anxious, for example, when speaking in front of groups and may feel confused, be unable to pull their thoughts together, and forget what they had intended to say. This is not schizophrenia. At the same time, people with schizophrenia do not always act abnormally. Indeed, some people with the illness can appear completely normal and be perfectly responsible, even while they experience hallucinations or delusions. An individual’s behavior may change over time, becoming bizarre if medication is stopped and returning closer to normal when receiving appropriate treatment.
**************************

.... my gratitude to all of you who've patiently yet irritatedly read through that whole passage...i don't know if you particularly realised but i really seem to be a prisoner of this so-called killer fellow... gonna do more research on it but atleast now I have some vague idea about my ill-being...and if you're wondering how i stumbled upon this, the answer lies in this book I'm reading right now, 'Veronika decides to die' (Paulo Coelho...yes, the same fellow who wrote Alchemist) which has a character who suffers from it... goodnight to all of you who concur with this blog. Hail Schizophrenia...

The mysterious 'Significant others'

2005-11-28T05:15:00.000+05:30

Ah yes...it's Zac again, the blogger of his arbid thoughts..blogging why??? One: Because he fears he is suffering from the initial stages of Alzheimers and thus needs to pen down or rather 'type out' in this case, his 'thoughts' and 'feelings'... he can't honestly add 'emotions' to that complex jumble because he doesn't feel like he has too many. Two: Because he doesn't really talk to anyone about anything but utterly to-the-point and extremely matter-of-fact things...so he needs to express his arbid thoughts somewhere...and where better than in the confines of this cage (Ref: WGSHA hostel C-Block)...

You mostly don't realise the impact people have on the way you think, act and most importantly, the way you are...but just once in a full moon (Full moon because it's beautiful and blue moons don't really exist), it just happens to strike you or atleast me that the people around you, especially the so called 'significant others' do affect the way you change with time...and that may be a negative or a postive change depending on who??.... yes, you got it right...Them!...and to think that this is mostly a phenomenon at the sub-conscious level and often outside your zone of control or awareness is scary...because you can get pretty fucked up if you're a victim of negative influence.... and to my destituted friends who wnt a solution to this dilemma of sorts...this is for you...Either you be strong mentally(obviously), and do not succumb to this [which doesn't work too well because your senses faulter no matter what] or you make it a point to not choose but maintain your significant others after a deep analysis...Those who should understand this will...not trying to help you out but it's my reality... till next time....

Rain in Manipal...

2005-11-23T12:00:00.000+05:30

Ah it finally drizzled in Manipal after a really long time...there's something about rain...(atleast for me)...that no matter how fucked up a mood I am in, it always tends to elevate me...atleast a little if not a lot.. talked to people I haven't talked to for ages today...realised they're also in utterly pathetic moods... the funny thing about depression is that it will seem depressing to you and only you...for it is all a matter of perception...that's why all you need to do is to change your freakin perspective... I'm not particularly practising what I'm preaching though...that's the thing with me... I can handle people's problems all around me but when it comes to my own shit, I'm so perplexed...

I've got this other theory that 'everything is a phase'...and I will stick by it till someones actually proves me wrong... the whole paradox is that no one can...because time will only continue...

Rain in Manipal...

2005-11-22T22:14:00.000+05:30

References to Funny life theory

2005-11-22T11:55:00.000+05:30

Drank relatively lot today...not eactly sure why but just a sense of security dominates over you when you know these decisions of 'whether to drink or not' are left at your liberty... still a little high from the Signature I just relished... back to spaced out phases of depression these days... with the same ol' excuse of not knowing exactly what is getting me so upset...but the few things that do, I know... being the reason of someone's unhappiness without any momentary or purposeful actions on my part is bad enough...being the reason of someone's depression or loss of sanity is something totally shot up...and that happening to a guy like me who (honestly) likes being liked by everyone ( I think it runs in the genes because my dad's very similar) is extremely upsetting...but i guess life's not as smooth as you would hope it would be...in fact, it can make you feel soo shitty at times...your only hope is to take a small step back and and find it all funny...(Refer 'Funny life theory'. Page 314...hehe..)... but trust me, that 'finding it funny' is not just some vague 'Feel good factor' thing....it does make sense... everybody assosciates this college and especially his hostel to manic depression...but what the fuck...it's all about the people...my only comforting is to know that this is helping me see a lot earlier in life than I would have hoped...and I know for a fact that if not everyone else, atleast I will find all this very funny later on in life...on that very sweet note...Goodnight....

In a state of 'Irksome bliss'

2005-11-21T12:15:00.000+05:30

It's been a while since I wrote last...doesn't really matter...don't even think anyone reads this shit I keep writing...but yeah...writing is a good release...a way to let out... and to know that you won't have somebody on the other end waiting to criticize you or make a sarcastic comment makes it even better... if you're wondering about the title of this post...'Irksome bliss'...thats the name of my new band...can hardly call it a band...we just hooked up for this one show for 'Brandscan' organized by TAPMI...

yeah...'a feeling of being so irritatingly blissful'.....I totally enjoyed the show...started it out with a couple of bands playing before us...most of which sounded like noise (it probably wouln't have if the sound guy wasn't so shitty)...and then, we went on stage hoping it would all go well...Akku started warming himself up n these guys were hooking on their guitars when they realised the processor wasn't freakin working...ah the little highs of life..hehe...anyway after a loooot of delay we finally got it going...with 'purple haze'...and then 'coming back to life' and 'sultans of swing'..we had also planned to play 'stairway to heaven' but there wasn't enough time.. I was pretty high on whiskey throughout the whole thing..and the weird part is that i hardly remember anything about the show and our performance...it's all hazy to me...I remember having a really good trip on stage though n there are a couple of snaps as proof to remind me that i was indeed actually on stage playing some of my most favourite songs... the results for the competition aren't out yet but it doesn't matter much...except for the fact that if we win it's easier for us to get new equipment sanctioned from the 'General'.. which is very important at this point in time considering we have fucked up stuff... thats all for now...feeling drowsy...nothing like good ol' classic rock!!!

Life at thirty

2005-11-05T07:30:00.000+05:30

Ah... the phrase , 'home sweet home' has never before sounded so adapt...it's just one of those few things which always tickles a happy bone in your system...atleast in mine it evidently does...

Right now, I'm sitting on this old chair (which apparently my late grandfather used to sit on) on my verandah before my garden...it's drizzling but you can just hear the rain... and you can definitely feel it...the sun's decided to call it a day, the evening skies are dusking to a light purple... and I'm sipping on hot strong coffee...aah coffee!!!....that mellow high it gives you...

True to this blog, arbid thoughts running through my head now... like what I'll turn out to be when I'm say,30...yeah...where will I be in life 10 years from today...successful? rich? married? popular?.....or just happy???...i prefer the latter but few of the former may be important too..The few little things I'll be particular about and will make it a point to have or do...1. A beautiful house (not an apartment) wherever I'm settled designed by probably that little bum, gayatri....with significant elements of wood and water and glass and nature...and colours of white n blue n streaks of black n red here an there.....2. My passion for music to only grow...to have a brilliant collection and a good system and have good music around me always... 3. To be in an honest and open relationship (marriage or otherwise) with the girl I'm in love with at that time... 4.To still see beauty in the most beautiful little things like friends and family and music and rain....5. To travel abroad and see the world... for what it is and not what it's potrayed to be...
6.To be in a job where I look forward to going to work every Monday...

All this seems so easy to talk about... I get the feeling it's going to take a lot of work...but I'm all up for it... Life at 30, here i come...

2005-10-24T10:35:00.000+05:30

There're a few things that seem so impossible (though my 'everything's possible' theory contradicts that)....like having a completely open relationship with someone...I've tried it...really hard...a couple of times..but it just doesn't work out...like being totally honest...or demanding it....again...nearly impossible...i really wish i could have one totally open totally honest relationship with a girl... maybe someday...

Time...the continum...

2005-10-24T10:25:00.000+05:30

Ever came across the thought that time as an element in itself can be thought to be the most continuous thing ever...why???...because it's a concept....it's not something that some old archaeology chap digged up in some arbid patch of land on the fertile plains along the Nile..or a fat fucker's out-of-the-blue discovery while having a bubble bath(which he would later yell out running nude all over the place)...and I'm pretty darn sure 'time' didn't fall from a tree straight onto this little fellow's head (which he would later convert to some nobel prize winning theory )... Even if there actually is this so called day titled 'Doomsday' when the whole world ('as we know it') would end.. time would still continue...no matter what... all this just came off the top of my head (yes...near where my little hair is)...so it may sound like crap when i read it but anyway posting it...

I Went to Church last Sunday...

2005-10-19T06:45:00.000+05:30

I went to church last Sunday....after a reaaaally long time...was nice...peaceful...but it wasn't like other times when I went to church...this time...I was thinking more than praying... oh and observing too.... there was this sardar batchmate of mine who'd already been there way before I was (I was late of course ) and his north Indian buddies...I'd liek to assume that he came because his girlfriend did...she 's a mallu christian...anyway...there were all kinds of people...thats the funny thing about church...there were mothers with little screeching brats, 20 something girls in skimpy tops...local down to earth fellows... chinks...everyone from town... a mixed up pot pourri this town is...You will not find yourself not knowing anyone here...the whole country and beyond is represented here...but its a good thing...mix of cultures shit...

Coming back to the topic of church...I was thinking....no offence... how many of these people I see before me (I was standing at the extreme back) are true believers???... Couldn't they all be helpless and ignorant victims of an old tradition of religion...just put into this world with a religion tag on them.... people are just born christian these days..that idea is a little disappointing to me...atleast in the old times, one would be baptised a christian only when he is old enough to understand it and is really ready to believe it... to think i used to think change is always for the better...maybe it's not...

2005-10-18T10:40:00.000+05:30

Under influence of alcohol again... dunno why...just am...anyway...I am amused at the world's utter stupidity...(know that I'm a part of it too...)... it's dumb...people just don't get it now do they...there're fuckers around me right now..not respecting my privacy...slyly looking at what I'm trying to write... isn't it funny...You see someone so involved in something and u jst have to know what.....WE DON'T HAVE PINE NUTS TO MAKE PESTO SAUCE RIGHT NOW...IT'S A FUCKED UP COLLEGE....AND THE FUCKING GENERAL TALLS ABT BEING ABLE TO WORK ONLY IN THE AFTERNOON AND GIVES DUTY FOR FUCKI9NG 2 HOURS...CHOOTH ISN'T HE?????? .that was something arbid...just writing my mind...THIS IS FUCKED UP SHIT...ME LEAVING...good night my fellow bretheren....!!!!!

2005-10-17T10:55:00.000+05:30

Realising that nothing makes you happy anymore is pathetic enough....not understanding why is perplexing...i'm under influence of alcohol...so according to norms... I should be absolutely honest right now...hehehe.... Life's definitely not a bed of roses for me...but i guess tHAT'S JUST MY PERCEPTION OF IT...i agree it's any day worse that the cliched scrawny kids of somalia or the 'victims' of KATRINA OR EVEN THE EARTHQUAKE VICTIMS Of POK...but to me...the reality is... hat i"m low...n the sad part is...I dont particularly know why...even in this elevated state of mind... i canot really say what's really upsetting me....sad isn't it...

Don't even really know why i shot down some whiskey today...maybe because i was alone and i had the freedom...but i think there's more to it than that....maybe some part of me wanted relief from the torture of ignorance...i agree i am weird but that doesn't mean i'm not human...I'm like any one of you...flesh and bones...just that my mind works differently... in a way i think no one'll ever understand....

Ever heard the phrase ' secret ego"???... U wouldn't have...because i coined it... it's when u don't want ppl to think you're egoistic but u still are...secretly of course...so that u maintain your equlibrium of goodness...u will not no you have it till u think truly..to yourself... ladies and gentlemen... i hate to admit it but there're some things common amongst all of us... SELFISHNESS....EGO(secret or otherwise)...LOVE....and the works...

I may not connect with or even understand any of the shit i just talked about tomorrow in my regular stae of sobriety but it's all from the heart i tell you...so it must mean something...if not a lot..SOMETHING!!!!....take care..whoever you are.. and sleep well...beacause sleep is the ultimate healer...after death of course....

Emotional trip...not me...

2005-10-16T12:00:00.000+05:30

You know.. you can never make everyone happy....it's always that someone or the other has to get hurt or pissed over your actions...even if your intentions were reasonably good...that's pretty stupid..to think that one can technically never be a good person...not that anyone ever tries to...it's always about being selfish isn't it....we all are...as much as i hate to admit...but i guess thats ok... just like how one can never be really happy....

It's weird to think that I'm all words when someone wants a good piece of advice or assurance but when it comes to my own problems or thoughts, I'm so blank... Can't even really remember when I stopped getting affected by people's actions....its definitely not a good thing though to be as numb as I am.... to all you people who hate being so emotional themselves, I'd like you to know that it's better being a zombie than being human.... time out... good night humans...

Pathetic concepts of highness...

2005-10-13T22:07:00.000+05:30

Why is it that only a stoner can put in his words so beautifully with intricacies only him and his kind will understand... why the fuck is it that the greatest rock legends of all time viz a viz cobain, morisson, hendrix (the list is endless) are all hardcore stoners (the word hard core cannot be emphasized more)....why is it that the common man needs dope to heighten his senses (which by the way i think is a misconception)... its all so putting off to be a part of an existence of this sort... you can see me here right now not out of one of those revolutionary highs which i can talk endlessly about but out of plain frustration... frustration because there exists this so-called concept that novelty of sorts comes only through a delayed influence of drugs or in rare cases, my friend too, alcohol...its stupid or rather pathetic to be a part of this...so i choose not to...i did go through the phase too a short while back...weed to heighten my senses...a couple of joints a day kind of a thing...but to be honest..it didn't influence or change me at all...i was still very much myself which is exactly the point i realised... none of this shit changes you..it just brings out all the crap in you out...but come to think of it..even that's pathetic...that one cannot totally be himself in a state of absolute sobreity...well...time to call it quits for now.. time to go get high on some good rock...

Depressed and satisfied

2005-10-13T22:01:00.000+05:30

At one of the most depressing times of my life....why you may ask...?...1. I'm tired of fighting and the world has begun to disgust me...the way people think...the way they act...the way they are...it's all so pathetic...and I happen to be just one of them...which is even more depressing...2. The people I care about lie to me....and worse..some of them are living a lie...3. I am and have been the source of unhappiness for so many people consciously or otherwise...4. I have lost my ability to see beauty in the little things in life that kept me going....5. I don't feel the need to be happy...i'm satisfied this way....a little something called self-pity...6. Love as a concept which I though I understood all this while seems so crappy now...it's all a big joke...just that no one's laughing.

The only thing that keeps me sane is music....dunno what I would be without out it right now....my friends seem to care about me but they don't seem to make a difference...that's totally pathetic...they're always there but they're never there for me...maybe because no one really knows how to handle me like this.... I've never felt so alone before in my life...

Sunday. October 2nd, 2005. 2:30 pm.